


In This Life and the Next

by aishjinjaa



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, M/M, Reincarnation, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 14:13:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11761611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishjinjaa/pseuds/aishjinjaa
Summary: When a soul is tied to one, they find each other, despite the lives they live, the people they've become.Seungcheol's peaceful student life is disrupted because of the arrival of a stanger so familiar, Jeonghan.





	1. Chapter 1

Soft fingers ran through his hair as he lay impeccably still; a soft voice quietly humming in time with a gentle beat, drowning out the noise outside. He was scared, terrified even, but the hands kept soothing him, urging him to sleep. A single tear fell along his cheek and as he opened his eyes, he saw him. So gentle, and so beautiful, but so afraid at the same time that he didn’t hesitate to ask: 'are you okay?' He was returned with a pained smile. 

 

“We will be.” He nodded, trying to convince himself. He can hear the doors next to theirs being kicked down as Japanese soldiers grabbed everyone they could, seized all they can reach, and burn anything and anyone that came in their way. “Sshh, don’t listen.” The man said, continuing the caresses against his scalp, albeit with shaking hands.   
The noise kept getting nearer and the hands caressing him becomes more urgent. “Sleep. Sleep. This will all be gone in the morning.” As soon as he finished his sentence, their door was broken down, the man dragged away from him in an instant as Japanese soldiers overcame their house, breaking everything, taking what they can. Including him.  
“No! Stop!” Seungcheol felt anger rise against his chest as they can see them manhandling him, speaking hurriedly in a language he cannot understand. He felt himself being violently pushed back onto bed as his partner was held against the door, his chin forcibly tilted towards Seungcheol. All he can think about is him, their hands on him, and the way they held him that made him forget his own threat. “Don’t hurt him, please. Take everything. Take me.” He pleaded to the soldier who held him down with one foot.

 

And in a flash, a gunshot was heard, a piercing scream, and he felt himself lose consciousness.

 

-

 

He gained consciousness in his bed, more disoriented than ever. Seungcheol can hear his mothers’ footsteps down the hallway, slowly approaching his room. “Seungcheol-ah, wake up! You’re going to be late.”

 

He groaned as his head steadily throbbed after another nightmare. “Mom, can I just skip today?” he turned over and tried to get back to sleep.  
“It’s the first day, you can’t.” she knocked more urgently. He heard her footsteps recede but still forced himself to get up knowing she’s going to come back anyway. 

 

The pressure of the water against the top of his head was strong but he didn’t mind. He had to clear his head. He can’t be this disoriented in his first day back. 

 

He has been having these dreams nowadays. It was all random, it different points in time; in different places, but always with the same person. In the dreams, the man’s face has always been clear but he always forgets it in the morning. Despite this, he seems to be certain that it’s the same man has been appearing in his dreams lately.

 

He can’t make sense of anything, though. On some days it would be boring and plain. He would be an accountant with a very sick husband to come home to, a busy movie director with an ongoing divorce with a man that he still very much loved, but on some days, it was gruesome and violent. He was both a soldier, a war prisoner; tonight, he was just a victim of violence; but it always ends the same way: separation.

 

However, what bothered him most was that none of the ‘dreams’ felt like just dreams. When he was in these dreams, he always felt like he was transported into another time, which he most certainly knows is his, a different country, a different circumstance. But instead of not feeling the ground from under his feet and the things around him like most dreams, he does. Maybe that is what it makes it feel so real; it seemed like he was being thrown back and forth, memory to memory as if its’ trying to make him remember.

 

-

 

The warning bell rang through the hallways and Seungcheol and the other students quickly filed into their classrooms to avoid the hallway monitor and possible detention. “But, dude, seriously, I really need to talk to him.” Jihoon continued quietly, eyeing his classmates as they walked to their seats.  
“Then talk to him.” They’ve been having this back and forth since he arrived in school. Jihoon has been having troubles with making up with Jihoon’s other best friend, Junhui. 

 

“But I don’t want to.” Seungcheol shot him an exasperated look.

 

“What happened exactly?” He knows Jihoon wouldn’t answer anyway but he tried. The smaller man just let out a frustrated sigh just before he saw a slightly long brown-haired guy enter the room with a genuinely confused look in his face. Everybody looked up at the new face curiously, as the guy kept glancing at the piece of paper in his hand. Without paying anybody any attention, he went straight to the empty seat behind Jihoon and sat down. Moments after, the final bell rang and the teacher arrived.

 

However, Seungcheol was still looking at him. Feeling a soft tug inside him, which he may categorize as curiosity, but knows he feels so much more, so much more than he can understand, that he tries to block it out. He can feel his breathing shorten, his heartbeat accelerating, his heart tightening.

 

“Seungcheol ah?” Miss Nam called out and caught his attention. She gave him a pointed look and he suddenly remembered to function. He stood up and kept his composure. “Attention!” he announced.  
“Good morning, Miss Nam.” He sat down as soon as they all were done bowing. 

 

“Good morning.” She mumbled as she tried to organize some of her files. “Our class is going to have 4 new students so I’m just going to give them little time for short introductions before I proceed to homeroom.

 

“Byun Jungah?” a girl he never has noticed before stood up from where she sat, right in front.  
“Hello.” She greeted in an unexpectedly low voice. “My name is Byun Jungah, formerly from Daegu High School. Nice to meet you.”

 

“Kim Monsoo.” The reserved looking guy introduced himself albeit too quietly, resulting everyone to look around and send questioning stares at each other.

 

“Kwon Soonyoung.” Soonyoung: Jihoon’s bubbly neighbor who wouldn’t stop bugging them during their video game nights until he actually got closer to Seungcheol

 

“Hi, I’m Kwon Soonyoung, I’m Seungcheol and Jihoon’s friend.” He giggled, as if he thought being the said mens’ friend was a funny fact.

 

Then finally; “Yoon Jeonghan.” Yoon Jeonghan. For some reason, just the sound of the said mans’ name had him reeling, making him feel dizzy.

“Hello.” He breathed. He didn’t know if Jeonghan was out of breath but he sure was. “My name is Yoon Jeonghan.”

 

My name is Yoon Jeonghan.

 

I’m Jeonghan!

 

Captain Yoon, sir.

 

You better remember that, Accountant Choi.

 

All of his hair stood on their ends as the same voice that he hasn’t quite heard before echoed sentences he has never heard from the said person before, rang through his brain. “Nice meeting you.”

 

Meeting you was the beginning.

 

I don’t regret a thing.

 

His head throbbed, he couldn’t understand what was going on. He can feel his heartbeat against his temple, he was trying to soothe it when Jihoon nudged him.

 

He raised an eyebrow, asking him if he was okay. Seungcheol replied with a smile, trying to reassure his best friend.

 

“This is the first day of class so the only announcement I wanted to make was, one: welcome and welcome back, two: since you are seniors, you would have to start thinking about your plans for your future by now, and three: for seniors this year, Fridays will become your non-academic day.” Everyone cheered. Non-academic days were the school days where no academic subjects will be scheduled and students will be allowed to pick one 3 hour class in the morning (music or light sports), and where teacher’s weren’t allowed to give out assignments and deadlines. Friday was the best option for that.

 

“Yes, yes, congratulations. So as a gift to us, be nice dears and keep quiet while you wait for your next class.” She announced as she started filing her papers in front of her. Seungcheol, as the class leader, stood up again and announced, “Attention!”  
“Thank you!” they all bowed as the class turned instantly chaotic as Miss Nam turned a corner.  
Seungcheol however, hasn’t recovered. 

 

He looked back at where the boy sat and he was met with soft brown eyes and an expression that looked almost like fear. Who was Yoon Jeonghan and what is he doing to him?


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain.” Jihoon asked while they were standing in line in the cafeteria. 

 

“Just a little headache.” He mumbled as he watched Jeonghan enter the cafeteria, eyes wandering around the crowd.

 

“He looks interesting.” Soonyoung comments as they were making their way to their usual seats with all their other friends. “Hmm.” Seungcheol responded with a non-committal hum as they finally sat down with the already unruly group of boys.

 

“Hi guys.” Mumbled and sat down next to Jun, much to Jihoon’s disappointment. He was too distracted to remember that Jihoon had to talk to him. 

 

“Sorry.” He quietly mumbled to Jihoon as soon as the said boy sat on his other side.

 

“It’s okay, I can’t talk to him here anyway.” Jihoon glanced at the others. Mingyu, Seokmin and Minghao were arguing about something, as usual, Hansol was trying his best to teach Seungkwan English although the latter just ends up messing everything up and just settles to joking, while Junhui, Jisoo, Chan and Wonwoo were trying to contemplate everything that is going on all at once, sometimes even joining on the ongoing coversations.

 

Seungcheol was trying to turn his focus onto his meal when his ears perked up when Jisoo called out, “Jeonghan ah!” his eyes followed Jisoo’s and he suddenly got all nervous when Jeonghan started approaching them. Jisoo motioned for him to sit beside him as he made a move to introduce Jeonghan.

 

“Everyone,” he announced, louder than his usual decibel, to get everyone’s attention. “This is Jeonghan, a friend of mine.” He smiled. “Jeonghan, these are my school friends: Mingyu, Seokmin, Minghao, Hansol, Seungkwan, Junhui, Chan, Wonwoo, and since you’re from 4-A, you probably already know Jihoon, Soonyoung, and Seungcheol.”

 

“Yes,” he smiled, eyes trained on Seungcheol’s. “I already do.”

 

“Do any of you mind if he sits with us?" Yes, I do. Seungcheol thinks. But he can’t really say anything about it. What would he say? That Jeonghan makes him feel things? No he can’t. So he just decided to keep his mouth shut. None of them complained and most even encouraged him to join them every day and immediately started asking personal questions.

 

“Where are you from?”

 

“Seoul High School.”

 

“Wow. Are you smart?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Do you have girlfriend?”

 

“No.”

 

“Boyfriend?”

 

“No.”

 

“Dog?” Mingyu suddenly interjected and Jeonghan shot him a questioning look.

 

“Yes.” The long-haired man, chuckled, amused.  
Suddenly, Seungcheol’s brain started having memories and echoes of a laugh again, a laugh so familiar it hurts. Literally. He pressed his thumbs against his temple and started massaging them intensely.

 

“Seungcheol hyung, are you okay?” Hansol suddenly asked, diverting the attention towards him.

 

“I don’t think so.” Soonyoung answered for him. “He’s been having headaches all morning.”

 

“Oh, Jeonghan is, too!” Jisoo exclaimed. “Maybe I should take you two to the infirmary."

 

“I’m fine.” Seungcheol said, almost angrily. He caught a glimpse of a surprised Jisoo. “I’m sorry. It’s the headache.”

 

“It’s alright.” Jisoo just smiled, like the angel that he is. “But you should go if it gets worse.” He suggested, also giving Jeonghan pointed stares.

 

-

 

A few hours later, the headache finally subsided. He was able to go through class without having them again and actually functioning properly.

 

When the final bell rang, Jihoon turned to him and asked, “So, no Warcraft today?” he asked, evidently reading his mind.

 

Seungcheol nodded. “I need to get some sleep.”  
“Yes, you do.” He hummed and clicked his tongue.

“Hey, Soonyoung! Want to play one on one with me today?” Seungcheol literally saw stars pop from Soonyoung’s eyes with Jihoon’s invitation. With all the times that he has been invited with them, Soonyoung has never been able to play with them. He just sat there, watched the game, annoyed them, and ate. “Sure!”

 

“We’re leaving, Seungcheol!” Jihoon said, slinging his backpack onto his bag and leaving with Soonyoung.

 

Seungcheol was slowly packing his things when he noticed a shadow cast over him. He didn’t have to look to know that it was Jeonghan. Weird as it may be, but he actually recognized him by scent. 

 

Am I a vampire? He shook his head to erase the distracting thoughts away.

 

“Hi.” Jeonghan greeted quietly as Seungcheol finally finished packing his things.

 

“Hello.” Seungcheol replied, not really knowing what to say.

 

“Can I-ask you a question?”

 

“What is it?” he followed the other man with his eyes as he sat on Jihoon’s recently abandoned seat. It was there again, the tight feeling in his chest whenever Jeonghan did anything at all.

 

“Have we-,” a look suddenly came over him, closed his eyes as if in pain, exhaled, and looked at Seungcheol again. “Have we met before?”

 

Even though the question has not crossed his mind, Seungcheol feels like it’s the exact question that has been plaguing him all day. Seungcheol must have a judging look in his face because Jeonghan felt the need to explain.

 

“I’m not trying to pick you up or something, it’s…genuine curiosity. I feel like I have.” It was kind of weird to think that maybe Jeonghan has been having headaches triggered by him, too, and totally absurd, to be honest, but he cannot help but ask:  
“How?”

 

A shadow of uncertainty passed over Jeonghan’s expression as he seemed to comtemplate whether to tell Seungcheol or not. Finally, Jeonghan took a deep breath, and looked like he has made a decision, whether to leave his question hanging and not say a thing, or satisfying his curiosity but at the same time sounding like a complete lunatic.

 

“I have been having weird headaches today,” he started. Seungcheol inhaled sharply but he tried not to make his anticipation obvious. “Every time you speak, smile, even when you’re just looking out the window I have these sudden and jarring images, sounds, that run through my brain. I know it sounds crazy but…” he stopped, recontemplating his decision to say anything.

 

“I feel like you’re a memory I didn’t want to forget.”


	3. Chapter 3

Seungcheol looked straight into the others’ eyes and tried to make sense of every single thought overpowering his reasoning at this exact moment. You feel like a memory I didn’t want to forget. Jeonghan was obviously so much better at voicing his thoughts out than Seungcheol because right now, all he could think was: “Hmm yeah.” And that is exactly what he said.

 

He could only stare dumbfoundedly at Jeonghan when he smiled painfully, said “I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid.” Looked down, apologize once more, and walked out of their classroom. By the time Seungcheol finally understood what was going on and finally went after Jeonghan, he was long gone.

-

Seungcheol had been bent over the counter all day, cooking, cleaning, to make sure their anniversary dinner turns out great. He has dressed in his best suit and applied his husbands’ favorite scent. But as he glanced at the hands of the clock one more time, he realized his husband might be working late again after all.

 

With a heavy heart, he picked up a spoon and played with cold soup, halfheartedly tasting it. It might have been good about 4 hours ago.

 

He didn’t know when it started happening but his husband has been at home less and less. He can only see him when the other comes home, sometimes intoxicated, in the middle of the night, no time to talk even, and just falls onto bed; just to leave early the next day. Sure, Seungcheol tries. He tries to plant kisses against the others’ neck when he lies beside him, tries to make scheduled dinners, outings even; but he has been repaid by cold shoulders and rejections. 

 

Before he was married, he had always been on the receiving end of rejections, but he thought positively. He knew that all the rejection would end when he finally gets married with the man of his dreams. But he was wrong; and the marriage just makes the rejection a thousand times more painful.

He was getting ready for bed when he heard their bedroom door open and his husband came in, seemingly drunk, threw his briefcase aside, and went straight to bed. Seungcheol stared at him; his soft lips, ones that feasted on his years ago, his shoulder length black hair, and his soft brown eyes. He made a move to loosen the tie that was still around his husbands’ neck. He may have been extremely tired in the set all day. Maybe being a movie director isn’t as fancy as it sounds after all.  
“Hmm.” He smiled to himself when his husband smiled against his touch. “I missed you.” He murmured. Seungcheol’s heart swelled with relief. Even though he tries to deny the thought, it has crossed, occasionally, that his husband has been cheating on him. “I’m sorry about tonight. I will make it up to you tomorrow.” And with that final half-asleep apology, Seungcheol pat his husbands’ head and made a move to leave him alone.

 

“Don’t leave me, Jisoo ya.” Seungcheol stopped in his tracks as his husbands’ hand clutched his, but uttered another’s’ name. 

 

He felt his heart break, crushed under the hands of the person he entrusted it to. 

 

That is the feeling that he is trying to summon now, facing a multiple-paged legal document that ended all he had with him. How he felt when he realized that, yes, his husband has been sleeping with another person all this time; how pathetic and dirty he was while he begged for him to stay, completely disregarding the fact that he had cheated on him; how completely, utterly, helpless.

 

He was alone after that. Night after night, crying over the shredded remains of his heart that he had to patch up without neither an explanation nor an apology.

 

He would be brave, and he would stop hurting himself.

 

All he had to do to summon the strength was to look at the other half of the paper almost happily signed: Yoon Jeonghan.

-

Seungcheol woke up with a start and for the first time in months, he could remember every single detail of his dream, including the fact he dreamt about Jeonghan. He can still feel his heart thundering; he can still feel the lingering pain. “Seungcheol ah.” His mothers’ voice startled him into realizing that there were still tears in his eyes. “I’m awake, mom.” He answered, much to the surprise of his mother.

 

He couldn’t take his mind off his dream. It was heartbreaking, yes, but it wasn’t what bothered him most. It was the fact that all these months, all the crippling nightmares, the soft hands, the rough hands, the long blonde hair, the short brown one, all of them belonged to one pair of eyes: Jeonghan’s. However, he did not know what to do with that information.

 

He has only been dreaming about a person he has never seen until yesterday, big deal.

 

While in the shower, he thought about solution after solution regarding how he can possibly solve this puzzle but he always comes up short. How is he supposed to make sense of this? How could he be dreaming about someone he has never seen before? Is he going crazy?

 

All the conclusion he came up with was to ignore it. Ignore Jeonghan. Anything about him just screams pain and confusion. Maybe he should just hang out with Jihoon, or interfere with his and Jun’s business.

 

-  
Speak of the devil. He thought to himself as Jihoon approached him in the hallway, looking as serious as all those times he tried to bash Mingyu’s head in with a guitar.

 

“It’s early, can we go to the rooftop and possibly talk about something?” Jihoon whispered. The rooftop was Jihoon’s favorite spot to talk to Seungcheol if he feels his words may be too sensitive for public space. “Yeah, sure. Let me just put my bag in my-” before he could even finish his sentence, Soonyoung pulled his bag away from him. “I got this. If you run late, I’ll cover for you.” He did those annoying wink and guns gesture before running off.

 

“I can’t stand him.” Jihoon muttered.

 

“We’re still friends with him, though.” Jihoon hummed ‘true’ before starting to half-run for the rooftop. “You even got Soonyoung in on this, huh?” Seungcheol asked, panting, while trying to keep up.  
“I just told him to try his best to make sure that we get to talk seriously today, and he agreed.”  
“Maybe that is why we’re friends with him.” Seungcheol commented as they turned a corner and another where the stairs for the rooftop were.  
As soon as they were up there, Jihoon faced him, with a face so intense, he didn’t dare make fun of it even though he wanted to.

 

“I told myself, Lee Jihoon, you will sound pathetic. But this is Seungcheol, he is your best friend. He will understand; and besides, this happens to everyone, you are normal, Jihoon. So now, as my best friend, I’m telling you. This has been bothering me for so long I don’t think I can hold it in any longer.” Seungcheol prepared for everything in his mind, a love confession, Jihoon being terminally ill, but no one had prepared him for what Jihoon said:  
“I think my partner is Jun.” he said with an extremely straight face.

 

“Partner what?”

 

“Ugh.” Being the small person that he is, when Jihoon stomped his foot in annoyance, he just looked cute instead of being scary. But Seungcheol he should be scared. “I don’t like using the terms, they’re cheesy.”

 

“What terms?”

 

“About the,” he looked around, made sure nobody heard him, even though he was in the school rooftop merely minutes before the warning bell rang. “About the soulmate thing.”

 

“What soulmate thing?”

 

“Seriously Seungcheol, everybody knows this. We may not talk about this amongst ourselves but our parents does.”

 

“About what?”

 

Jihoon looked absolutely frustrated but at the same time, Seungcheol was also absolutely confused. What soulmate? What is he talking about?

 

“You know, it could be in a form of voice, touch, sight, sometimes dreams-,”

 

“Dreams, what do you mean dreams?”

 

“You’ve been having them?” Jihoon suddenly stopped looking so irritated. “Years ago, people started getting conscious about the fact we are most possibly getting reincarnated. As soon as we die, we just get born again. Well, they say that in these lifetimes, we get one soulmate, and we feel them in various ways. My mother felt my father, sometimes when she walks home, she can feel someone walking with her, she can feel hands cupping her face while she slept, creepy stuff. The point is, they’re not just hallucinations, they’re memories.”

 

Seungcheol’s heart beat strong against his ribs, realization after realization slowly dawning upon him. “In my case,” Jihoon continued. “I can hear Jun. A few months before he transferred here, I can hear him calling out to me. Sometimes I get woken up from my sleep because someone is snoring beside me; on some days, I’m walking down a street, about to cross a road when I hear a voice shouting Jihoon ah! But nobody is ever there. Until he transferred here, we were walking down the hallway when I heard him laugh, and this time, someone is here. He’s there.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“I talked to my mom about it, and she said that it’s normal, nothing to be worried about…that it’s just me remembering.”

 

“Remembering what?”

 

“Not what, Cheol ah. But who.” Jihoon smiled almost wistfully. “It means that in the many times that we have been reborn, we always end up with someone, and we spend all our lives, just waiting for them. Jun has been here since last year but he’s not saying a thing. Maybe he doesn’t feel it, that is what I’m scared of most, my heart is about to fall off my chest. I just stare at him sometimes, knowing that when I’m feeling weak, his hands can make me strong, that when I’m feeling useless, he can make me feel whole and wanted. But I can’t say a thing, Cheol ah. I just stare at him. Think about him, thinking about telling him but I do nothing, it’s maddening.” If the information he’s been sharing wasn’t so crucial, Seungcheol would have been extremely distracted by the fact that in 10 years of friendship, that is the longest train of words Seungcheol has ever heard Jihoon utter, he was even panting, like he isn’t used to it.

 

“Tell him, Jihoon ah.” Seungcheol advised. But all he can think about is Jeonghan Jeonghan Jeonghan and how he must know this, too.


	4. Chapter 4

After he talked to Jihoon more, he realized that before talking to Jeonghan, he should talk about all this to his mother first. He was leisurely walking back with Jihoon to their classroom when the warning bell rang and they had to sprint quickly to avoid the hall monitor. “Lee, Choi, Moon, Yoon!” the hall monitor called out and four figures still in the hallway had to stop in their tracks: him, Jihoon, Jun and Jeonghan. As to why they were late, he had no idea.

“Sir,” Jun said sweetly, “I am merely two steps away.” He smiled, almost unconvincingly. But it was true, even in one long stride, Jun could have avoided detention.

“Detention slips, Mr. Choi, please distribute.” He pressed four pieces of paper against Seungcheol’s hand. If Mr. Kang hadn’t been the hall monitor of the day, maybe they would have gotten away with detention because they were all a few steps away from class. He handed Jihoon’s slip including Jun’s for him to give. He gave Seungcheol an annoyed look but took Jun’s anyway. Slowly, he stepped forward to Jeonghan and reached out to give him his slip.

“Where would you be cleaning?” Seungcheol asked him quietly. Jeonghan looked down on his detention slip and read from it. “5pm, tomorrow, equipment office behind the gym.” As if by instinct, Seungcheol glanced down and his and realized that they will be together for a whole hour tomorrow for detention. He just hopes Jun and Jihoon will be there with them to avoid eternal awkwardness.

“Can you believe this?” Jun threw his hands in frustration. “4pm today! That’s my Martial Arts practice.” He huffed in annoyance and slightly glanced at Jihoon’s, who after they both got into a small fight a week before, hasn’t talked to him in the slightest bit yet. “At least you’ll be there.” He smiled at Jihoon before sidestepping in between him and Jeonghan to enter their classroom.

“That’s his apology? Pathetic.” Jihoon may be saying it but he can spot the smallest hint of a smile ghosting his lips. Wait. What. Jihoon will be there?

“Your detention is 4 o’clock this afternoon?”

“Yeah, why. Isn’t yours?” Jihoon pulled the slip in Seungcheol’s hand and grumbled when he realized that he and Jun will be alone for detention this afternoon. “No.” he replied, almost exclusively to himself.

Someone cleared a throat behind the and all of them rushed into their classroom when they realized it was their homeroom teacher. Panting as soon as he got to his seat, Seungcheol didn’t sit yet and waited for her to come in. As soon as she did, he did what he always did ever since he became the batch president. “Attention.”

“Good morning.”

“Seungcheol ah, what’s wrong with you lately?” she murmured to herself as she pulled out her class record. “Not paying attention, not being in the classroom even after the warning bell?” she smiled at him fondly but he knows there was genuine concern there. “I’ll do better.” He replied.

“You better.” She smiled, before starting calling out names.

Seungcheol thought back to what he and Jihoon had talked about back in the rooftop. If this was a normal thing? Why has his mother been quiet about this all this time? Not even preparing him or anything. Jihoon said his parents did not go into details too early but they at least warned him.

Jihoon said there were a lot of ways you can sense your soulmate, they may not be documented but most of it are normal sensations. For some with ‘sight’, they often see their ‘partners’ (as Jihoon preferred it to be called) in random places. Beside them in bed, in front of them, wearing tattered hanboks in modern day Seoul, and the likes. It was almost scary, according to others. It was like seeing a ghost. Which they technically are, considering the fact that the reincarnation might be alive somewhere, but the person in the memory is dead.

For some people like, Jihoon, it was hearing. Like he explained, he could hear Jun in the most random of places. According to his theory, the senses do not stop unless you both recognize it. Because even if he and Jun had been extremely close friends since last year, he could still hear him in the most random times until now (even consciously admitting to hearing Jun moan while he was taking a bath once). Some feel, like his mother did.

And the most unique and special of them all: is dreaming. For the other senses, they just get a glimpse of the person they’re supposed to meet, a scent, a touch, a voice; but for dreamers, they see whole stories, whole lifetimes that have gone by: they get to patch up their story.

Before he could even think deeper onto things, he decided to just ask his mom during dinner tonight before saying anything to Jeonghan.

 

-

For the first time in a long time, Seungcheol was actually there with his mother for dinner. He had so many questions in his mind but he wanted to wait for the moment to be right. He can’t just jump her with sudden questions in the middle of their meal.

So when his mother started sipping on her water with an empty plate in front of her. He decided to start asking.

“Mom.”

“Yeah?”

“I learned about-,” he stopped himself, thinking about the ways he could phrase his words. “Soulmates today.” He stopped short, a shadow cast across her face which was previously relaxed, was now stoic and indifferent. “What about it?”

“It’s just that,” he hesitated seeing that his mother seemed like she didn’t want to talk about it. “I’ve met him.” Her head shot up. Suddenly, her face exhibited a facial expression he has never seen before. “No.” she said firmly, too firm, it sounded angry. “Stop seeing him. Stop talking to him. Just continue your life as if he never existed.”

“What?”

“How was it for you? Did you hear him?”

“I…dreamt of him.” Seungcheol was taken aback by how intense she was about this. Jihoon said most parents just worry.

“Dreaming, huh? Then you must know. You must understand, Cheol ah. It won’t end great. He will just break your heart Cheol ah, he doesn’t deserve you, so stay away.”

“Mom, but—,”

“There are no buts! Tell me Seungcheol ah. Your first life, how does it go?”

“I guess,” Seungcheol traced back. Of all his dreams, which had been set so far back? “I was a Eunuch. And he was my King. We have been fooling around since we were boys but when he turned 17, he married the Prime Minister’s daughter and totally threw me aside.”

“The second, then?”

“I was a farmer in one of the rural towns, he was taking care of our children. It was normal, mom.”

“No, it wasn’t, I know. Tell me the rest.”

He exhaled, knowing there is no way out. But thinking about it now, he did understand, they always just ended up separated. “The Japanese soldiers raided our town, they took him, maybe to be taken as a comfort man to those who didn’t want someone female, and when I resisted, they killed me.” Without prompts from his mother, Seungcheol continued, threading his life together.

“Then it was the 1950s, I was a Commanding Major of one of the fronts during the Korean War, and when we needed more troops, he leads as Captain on one of the teams. We fooled around together during the chaos, but we managed, we were hopelessly in love with each other. One night, we were raided, and we were both killed that night.”

“Then the worst, 1980s, I was a boring accountant married to a fancy movie director. We were living happily together for 10 years when I discovered he was cheating on me with an actor-,”

“See!” she suddenly raised her voice and pointed at me. “Our lives were meant to be torture. Soulmates, or whatever crap they call it, these are not the people you end up with! This is the person you will love the most, but you can’t say the same for them. You can choose. Don’t let some old-time memories control your life.”

“But that’s the reason they’re our soulmates, right? They complete us.” Seungcheol said meekly, trying to imagine Jeonghan in that manner, how he looks, how him merely being in the room makes Seungcheol feel mushy, like he’s about to melt and disintegrate both at the same time; all that, without even knowing him that much, yet. It scares him, but looks forward to it at the same time.

“What will you do if he leaves you, then, huh?


	5. Chapter 5

Seungcheol arrived to school the next day with the decision of definitely avoiding Jeonghan.

But he should have expected for resolve to crumble as soon as he saw him.

Back hunched as his eyes were trained on a thick novel, Jeonghan’s head shot up and his eyes immediately found Seungcheol’s. He didn’t understand how someone can make him feel like this without knowing them first.

But you did know him.

Seungcheol consciously sat down while quietly turning his head towards Jeonghan-abandon ship abandon ship. He turned his head back so fast he hit it against the window, because Jeonghan was already looking at him. Even though he was afraid that he was caught, he still couldn’t help but laugh at how silly he was.

“What the heck, dude.” Jihoon commented when he started giggling loudly.

“Just let me and my laughter be.” He said in between giggles. He didn’t know what made him do it but he tried to look back at Jeonghan again and discovered was still looking, laughing even, at him.

“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked, still slightly giggling. Seungcheol sat there, open-mouthed, can’t even answer a single question just because Jeonghan was the one who asked. Snap out of it, Choi Seungcheol.

“Yeah…yeah.” A few moments later, the final bell rang and their teacher came in. I didn’t even notice the warning bell. He thought to himself as he stood up for the morning greetings.

“Good morning,” their homeroom teacher greeted as soon as everybody settled down. “As you all know, as a requirement for you to finish your senior year, the school requires a project, to be submitted 3 weeks before the final examinations so start thinking about ideas as soon as today because,” she pulled out a piece of paper from underneath her file. “I am pairing you up.”

Oh no.

Nope.

I hate these types of clichés.

My whole life has been one big cliché, please don’t let this one be.

“Choi Seungcheol with Yoon Jeonghan.” Fuck.

“So,” she put her papers down onto her table after announcing all the pairs. “For the rest of the homeroom period, pair up, and talk about concepts for your special project. It may be in the form of a case study, architectural or engineering project, whatever it may be, it should feel personal to both of you  and your partner, so start talking.” Seungcheol made a few small moves for a few times before Jihoon grabbed his arm and said “Let’s change seats.”

“Why?”

“Youngwon is my partner.” He pointed to the guy sitting behind Seungcheol.

“Oh okay. Yeah, sure.” Seungcheol grabbed his notebook and pen, slowly making his way to Jihoon’s seat.

“Um, hi.” He mumbled, turning Jihoon’s seat to face Jeonghan’s.

“Hi.” He smiled. “Please be comfortable.” He smiled. Seungcheol exhaled. He didn’t realize he had been holding his breath in. “So…” Jeonghan started, long lashes fanning his eyes as he blinked repeatedly. “What do you want to do with this project?”

“I honestly have no idea.”

“Me, either.” Silence ensued and Seungcheol cannot describe how he was grasping for something to say. Talk to him. Talk to him.

“Seungcheol-ssi,” Jeonghan broke the silence cautiously. “I want to talk to you about something. Somewhere private, preferably. Do you have ideas?”

Seungcheol was immediately flooded with so many thoughts. What if he wanted to confront Seungcheol about the—thing? What he knew though, that this time, he would be responding with more than just Hmm, yeah.

“We’re up for detention in the equipment office later, would that suffice?”

Jeonghan beamed, and Seungcheol knew that he at least sounded enthusiastic enough for Jeonghan not to be upset. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Stuff.” Jeonghan was trying hard to keep his expression stoic but his ears and neck were beet red. “Please be comfortable.” Seungcheol teased. “And you can talk informally…” Seungcheol started to suggest but he suddenly stopped himself, thinking Jeonghan might think him too eager. “If you’d like.”

“Yeah,” when he looked up, Jeonghan’s puffy side bangs almost bounced and it looked so adorable (and hot but he threw the idea away).  “I’d like that a lot.”

-

During class, all Seungcheol could think how much like of a teenage girl he was acting. Well, Jihoon constantly teases him about secretly being a queasy teenage girl but until today, he hadn’t realized how true that was. He had freaking moths in his stomach, smiled too widely, turned red, and even giggled while he was talking to Jeonghan. When did their schools’ top track athlete and Hulk Cheol go?

He died, and he was replaced by the incompetent, crush-stricken Teenage Girl Cheol. Or maybe he was always unpredictable. Cold and intimidating on the outside, actual fluff ball on the inside.

Little did he know that Jeonghan also has a side he hasn’t seen yet.

-

Walking to the back of the school alone with Jeonghan was nerve-wracking. Maybe if he didn’t think about their circumstances that much?

“So…can I ask you a few questions?”

“Is this an interrogation?”

“No,” Seungcheol smiled at the playful banter. “I’m just curious. Do you have any siblings?”

Jeonghan nodded yes. “I have an older and a younger sister.”

“Really? I envy you. I’ve always wanted a sister; or any sibling for that matter.”

“You’re an only son?” Jeonghan asked as they turned a corner, down to the dingy hallway behind the gym.

“Yep. It’s just my mom and I.” Jeonghan nodded solemnly. As soon as they went into the equipment office however, Jeonghan suddenly stilled.

“You said we can talk now.” Seungcheol’s mind was suddenly flooded with so many questions and possibilities; most especially, favorable manner of answering Jeonghan’s questions. He nodded.

After a long stretch of silence, Jeonghan spoke up. “I asked my father about the headaches and I know about it now. And I trust that you do to. You know about us.”

Seungcheol thought about stalling. Asking “what are you talking about?”, joking with “are you hitting on me?” but the look on Jeonghan’s face made him answer right away. “Yes.”

“Look, Seungcheol ah. I don’t want this to be complicated. I just want to live my life normally.” Even though he has been considering the exact same thing, hearing Jeonghan suggest it tugged at Seungcheol’s heart, and he does admit, it kind of hurt. “I know that we’re supposed to… fall in love or whatever, but it’s the 21st century, we can’t just push ourselves onto someone we’ve never even met before just because we married them in our past life. Past is past, right? Things could be different.”

“Yeah, sure.” Even though he promised to himself he wouldn’t answer in such a manner, Seungcheol was still surprised. With the way Jeonghan reacted the last time when he simply replied with a hmm…yeah, Seungcheol didn’t expect him to be so cold about all this.

“We can still hang out, see how things go. But I am not in any way encouraging this.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He didn’t know how else to respond. After all, how was he supposed to?


	6. Chapter 6

“Seungcheol ah!” He almost jumped when Jihoon suddenly came up behind him. It’s been a few days after the equipment room conversation with Jeonghan, and even though they’ve been civil, the tension between the two of them was almost tangible. “There’s a party at Hansol’s this weekend, he says our attendance is compulsory.” 

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” He’s been in all of Hansol’s parties and none of them had been bad so he thought, why not? As Jihoon turned to leave, his figure was immediately replaced by Jeonghan’s.

“Hi.” He smiled meekly at Seungcheol.

“Hi.” Seungcheol smiled back. He knew that getting angry with Jeonghan because he wanted to make a choice was unfair. He knew that even though the pull towards him was so strong it almost hurts, Seungcheol knew that he should let events unfold and not be held back by the past. Besides, his mother would prefer it that way.

“I was thinking about our project and I think we won’t be getting any ideas in the library, and I also wanted to…get to know you better, maybe we should go out this afternoon after class? Strictly platonic, though.” Seungcheol wanted to smile at the suggestion but he shouldn’t be assuming. He knew Jeonghan didn’t really mean anything deeper.

“Sure.”

Throughout the day Seungcheol balanced things out in his brain and finally arrived at a decision. Aside from what he called possible ‘nostalgia’ and the unnamed pull that makes everything gravitate around Jeonghan, he feels nothing else for the other man. It’s as if without the memories, Jeonghan was just another classmate, another face in the crowd, just another member of the gang, and nothing more. He decided to focus on that and treat Jeonghan like the memories don’t exist.

“Did you wait long?” he asked Jeonghan who probably has been standing outside for the whole time their teacher talked to him.

“Just the whole time.” Jeonghan raised his eyebrows and pouted in fake annoyance. “Next time you should be considerate.” He tried his best to sound annoyed, but Seungcheol can clearly hear the smile behind the voice.

“Yes, sir.” Seungcheol fake saluted and marched at an unknown drumbeat.

 

 

“Seungcheol ah, be a man and buy this for me.” Jeonghan ran to the array of food in display. Without even thinking, Seungcheol opened his wallet and paid for the bread Jeonghan wanted.

“What is this project supposed to be?”

“I have no idea.” Jeonghan mumbled through a mouthful of bread. “Honestly, I just wanted to walk around with someone who can buy things for me.”

Seungcheol’s brain wasn’t as fast as Mingyu’s or Jihoon’s at figuring things out so they have walked in comfortable silence before it finally clicked. “We’re not here for the project!” he stared at Jeonghan, incredulous.  

“Of course, we’re not. I just wanted to eat for free.”

“You scammer!”

You lied to me!

I trusted you.

I didn’t give you my heart for you to break.

 

I will never trust you again.

Seungcheol had totally halted his steps, one hand massaging his forehead. Ever since the first day of class, the voices and images in his head had not come back…until now.

“Are you okay?” he looked up at Jeonghan, face filled with worry, for real this time, and he reminded himself: both the positive and the negative, the past does not matter. He is not the accountant anymore; nor is Jeonghan his husband.

“Yeah. Just a little headache.” He mumbled and smiled. “Where to next?” he tried to keep his voice upbeat even though the sudden images in his brain still left trails throbs that attack Seungcheol’s brain from time to time.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Let’s sit by the river, then.” Jeonghan suggested, pulling Seungcheol by the wrist. He tried so hard not to think about Jeonghan’s fingers on him and reminded himself, everything is platonic, everything is. 

He let him go and sat on the grass first. “Come here.” He pat the space beside him and motioned for Seungcheol to sit.

“I like to come here sometimes, even when I was younger.” Jeonghan suddenly shared. “Didn’t you?”

“I’m from Daegu.” Seungcheol answered, thinking it was the appropriate answer. “I never got to hang out here a lot.”

“Well, our house is just 2 blocks away and whenever it starts to feel too suffocating, I just come here. Sometimes I just walk, sometimes I run, but this place always provides some comfort. Maybe it’s the architecture of the place that makes this so seemingly secluded and quiet.”

“Why would you feel suffocated?” Seungcheol asked and was surprised when Jeonghan smiled, almost painfully, but he smiled and looked at him like he should know the answer. But Seungcheol doesn’t.

 

“Jeonghan ah!”

“Look at this Jeonghan ah.”

 

“Noona…” he croaked, his voice horse. “It’s starting again…” he panted, trying to block out the sound. The problem is, it was inside his head. And no one can do anything with the thing that is inside his head.

 

“Where is he? Are you seeing him again?” his older sister rushed to his side, looking around, trying to distort the visions whenever he has them: like they always practiced.

 

“In here…in here.” Jeonghan hit his head, trying to make the pain go away.

 

“Focus on my voice, Jeonghan ah.” His sister cradled his hair on her lap and her hands caressed his forehead, trying to shut everything up for him.  
“It’s going to stop. Someday…this will finally stop.”

 

“Why do I feel noona?” he cried. His head throbbed like someone was hitting it with a hammer. Unlike others who only saw, only hear, only see, only dream, Jeonghan experiences everything. Sometimes all at once.

 

“It’s a punishment, Jeonghan. It is for all the times you hurt him.”

 

“I won’t. I won’t.” he repeated like a chant. And he was going to make sure of that.

 

 

“Would it have been better if you never met me?” he stared at everything around them. His clothes thrown everywhere, shattered glass, Seungcheol’s face a mess; he just wants this to stop.

 

“Yes.” Through his panting, Seungcheol answered.  
Despite his infidelity, Jeonghan’s chest felt like it was squeezed when he heard his husband. “I regret everything. I shouldn’t have met you. And if I did—I should not have fallen in love with you.”

 

I regret nothing.

 

Jeonghan turned, a single shard of glass pressing against his right foot, a single tear fell. He didn’t know why he was feeling this way. 

 

He wanted this to end.

 

He was the one who slept with another man while Seungcheol waited for him at home.

 

He was the one who willingly broke his husband’s heart.

 

He wanted the divorce.

 

He should not be so broken about all this.

 

Maybe it’s just all the years he wasted on his boring partner. Yes, that was it. He wasted too much time by staying with him.

 

Do not worry. The next time we meet, I will still fall in love with you. But I will make sure you won’t love me back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this sucks, I have no idea why I even went through with this but anyway please bear with this haha


	7. Chapter 7

Saturday came and Seungcheol found himself walking to Hansol’s house. Jihoon had arrived an hour ago, probably sensing his hesitation and coming to pick him up himself. 

 

“I seriously don’t feel like going. I just want to play video games tonight. Can’t I just go back home?” he complained for the last time, even though he was already on his way.

 

“Dude, I felt like backing out, too, but we promised Hansol. Just this one night, we can just stop promising so that we don’t have to go next time.” Knowing that that was his last chance to back out, Seungcheol just gave up. 

 

Party music was already blasting when he arrived and before he came into contact with people, he smelled himself for one last time before offering his neck to Jihoon. “Do I smell good?”

 

“This is inappropriate, man.” Jihoon muttered with the most serious tone ever. 

 

“Just smell me, damn it.” He chuckled, frustrated at how they do this all the time but Jihoon still feel queasy about it; be he still takes a sniff anyway.

 

“You smell like a girl.” He commented. 

 

“Of course, it’s Vanilla.”

 

“I know it’s Vanilla, you’ve been wearing the same perfume since the dawn of time. Now stop making me sniff your baked ass and let’s get drunk, okay?”

 

And by get drunk Jihoon apparently meant black-out wasted because they have barely been there an hour but Jihoon already has finished 5 beers. “Are you going to be alright, man?”

 

Obviously intoxicated with his face beet red, Jihoon turned to face him with his eyes squinting, trying to recognize him. “Seungcheol ah!” I gust of beer breath hit Seungcheol in the face as Jihoon tried to reach up and lock Seungcheol’s neck into a choke. “Did you even drink anything?” he asked.

 

“Umm, no.”

 

“How are you supposed to have fun? Have fun, man! Why are you so uptight?”

 

You’re the one who’s usually uptight, Lee Jihoon, what is wrong with you. Jihoon handed him a can of beer and raised his eyebrows and waited for him to take a sip. And he did. No matter how many times he’s tasted beer, he never gets the hang of the taste.

 

“I’m not leaving until you finish that whole can.” He did down the whole can to satisfy Jihoon, and as soon as he left him alone, Seungcheol decided to go out for a bit of fresh air. In all the parties in Hansol has thrown, he has become familiar with the house and went straight for the garden. He was almost to the garden when his wrist was yanked violently back and he was pushed roughly against the wall.

 

“What the—” he couldn’t even form a sentence before Jeonghan’s face was pushed against his neck, sniffing him. “Hey!” he didn’t know if it was adrenaline, but as soon as Jeonghan took that long sniff, he immediately pushed him away.

 

“Seungcheol ah…” the images in his brain threatened to show up as soon as the words fell out of Jeonghan’s mouth. In his first three lives and in this, Jeonghan and him has always spoke to each other formally or semi-formally, the only time he called him that was in the fourth: the one where he married him, and got his heart shattered into pieces.

 

“What are you doing?” he managed to ask. Even though he wasn’t exerting much effort, he was heavily panting, just as Jeonghan was. He was also obviously drunk.

 

“Seungcheol, I’m sorry.”

 

“What?” he didn’t understand it, but his heart felt like it was being squeezed; by Jeonghan nonetheless. He may have felt this exact feeling so many times before that he is quite sure Jeonghan is causing it.

 

“I’m sorry. For everything, I’m so sorry. In our past lives, in this life, and the next.” Jeonghan started sobbing against his own hands, he was mumbling something but it was almost unintelligible. “I tried so hard to leave you alone. I’m so sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

 

Seungcheol didn’t know if it was all his lives of suffering and keeping almost quiet, but there was just a surge of anger remembering all the times—  
“You totally forgot me. You were just playing with me, weren’t you? When you knew that you had to marry that dainty little flower it was like I stopped existing.” Even though Seungcheol wasn’t sure if Jeonghan knew anything about what he was talking about, he just thought fuck it and just kept on being angry anyway. “Did you even have any idea how devastated I was? I knew I was gonna have to leave you, I wasn’t so ambitious. I just wanted…a little more time, just a little bit more, with my beloved King, and he just left me. Like I was a toy he wasn’t even afraid to giving away.” Jeonghan looked at him with glassy eyes, tears falling of his eyes one by one. Seungcheol cannot stop. All he can remember are all the sleepless nights, crying his eyes out, clutching his chest, all the pain he couldn’t explain, he thought the King loved him. But no, nothing in this world is as intense and as genuine as what he felt for him; and what he thought the King felt for him. But he has never been more wrong. All he can think of is of all the days he had to follow them around, reading books in the library, their daily walks, he watched him smile at her while he paid him not attention. He watched him walk up the steps, get married, without sparing him one last glance.

 

“Instead of running away, you insisted on staying, I told you again and again and again, we had to leave the village. What did they even do to you when they killed me?”

 

“Was I just another young lonely, old, soldier you had to seduce to keep you warm at night?”

 

“And of course, I knew, I was just someone to make sure your busy celebrity life was kept together. Someone to clean, someone to cook, someone to bend over backwards to do everything for you. I was more a housekeeper rather than a husband. And Jisoo…” Seungcheol looked back at the first day of class, Jisoo introducing Jeonghan to everyone. “You still are together, most probably. I’m just a little decoration, a third wheel that just won’t go away. I either have to die, or you’d have to—”

 

“Shut up” Jeonghan suddenly bit out, cutting Seungcheol off. “Shut up.” He said, slightly lower, but shakier. He was crying again, and despite his anger, Seungcheol has the greatest urge to cup his face, apologize, and wipe all the tears away. 

 

“You don’t know what I have gone through. You have no idea.” Jeonghan looked down, wiping his tears aggressively with the back of his hand.  
“Her father knew about us.” He said so quietly it was almost carried away by the wind. “Someone told on us and they threatened to kill you if didn’t marry her and pretend you didn’t exist. I was ready to abdicate, Seungcheol. My brother was more than ready to take my place, but they won’t allow it, every single day they would send me drawn pictures of you, hanging from a tree, throat slit, tied and bound with blood all around you, dragged by a horse to death…” he ran a hand through his hair, partially pulling his hair, “It was torture, every single day, when I see you I just sigh in relief, I would always think they really kill you. Seeing you alive, that’s what made me do it. Knowing that you were out there, breathing, that was my price.”

 

“I wanted to leave with you, I did, but you have selective memory, don’t you? When the Japanese raided our village, I insisted we stay because we were waiting for our son. We have been hearing rumors of Japanese taking women and pretty men, I was terrified but I did not want to leave my son, Seungcheol. When they shot you, they took me away, I knew they were going to abuse me in the night so while we were on the boat away from the village, I hung myself.” Seungcheol gasped, seeing an image in his head of a dead Jeonghan, and it suddenly made him dizzy. “You were gone. And I can’t be without you.” Jeonghan held back a little sob.

 

“You weren’t just another notch up my bed. Yes, I did fool around with a lot of boys but they were notches on my bed. You were my bed, you were my home, war stopped becoming war when you were there. I was suddenly home, sipping tea, sea breeze blowing against my face, despite of everything that happened around us. You were the one who made me stop decorating my bed.”

 

“And I can always tell you reasons for every single life, but for the last one… the only thing I can think of is sorry.” Jeonghan started crying again, this time, taking a step forward towards him, reaching out to Seungcheol as if attempting to hug him. “I remember all the nights I spent beside Jisoo, thinking of you, standing outside our doorstep, listening to you hum while you cooked, listening to you talking to yourself, listening to you cry yourself to sleep… I wanted you back so bad, I wanted to see you again, I have considered knocking on your door so many times, but I knew, you deserved someone so much better than me.”

 

“I broke up with Jisoo, continued observing you, that’s when I knew about Doyoon.” Seungcheol’s head shot up, hearing an unfamiliar name. “Selective memories, remember?” he chuckled bitterly to himself. “Two years after our divorce, you remarried, but I never got married again.”

 

There were so many questions Seungcheol wanted to ask, the truths behind everything, how he wasn't the only one suffering this entire time, that behind the door he closed was the one he loved most. But all he managed to ask was: “How do you know all this?”

 

Jeonghan looked at him straight in the eye. “I feel everything.” He whispered. “I saw you first at a playground, I was 8. I tried to talk to you but it was like you couldn’t see me. I tried to touch you but nothing, it just went through. I was 14 the first time I heard you. Saying my name, just my name, again and again and again, I was sitting at a café, I looked around for any source of the voice but there was no one, just a whisper of my name, over and over again.”

 

“I have been dreaming about everything since I was 17… Fractions and snippets of the story which I threaded one by one. I felt you first 3 days before the first day of class. I was in bed when I suddenly felt the other side dip because of a weight but no one was there, just the feeling of someones’ pajamas rubbing against my leg and an arm snaking around my waist, lips breathing against my nape before those pair off  lips pressed a kiss on my head.”

 

“Everyone finds it scary, but I just felt relieved. Relieved that this Seungcheol at least, still loves me.”

 

Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan in the eye, his soft hands touching his face so lightly, it almost wasn’t there. “Because I still loved him.”

 

The moment Jeonghan cupped his face, they both moved so fast you can almost miss it.

 

Jeonghan’s arms was immediately wrapped around his neck, pulling him and crashing their lips together. Seungcheol’s strong hands gripped Jeonghan’s thighs, pulling him up, as he kissed him back just as intensely, releasing all the lives of pent up anger, frustration, and the affection. Jeonghan’s right leg was already slightly wrapped around his waist so he just pulled the other one up and carried him, Jeonghan putting on weight to push Seungcheol against the wall. He nibbled on Seungcheol’s lower lips, still intensely trying to suck the air out of the other man.

 

Seungcheol decided to slow down, and Jeonghan did, too, before slightly pulling away.

 

“What—” Kiss. He was about to continue what he was saying when Jeonghan kissed him lightly, again. And another. And another.

 

“Sto—”

 

“20 years… I waited for you for more than 20 years, just leave me be.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of this so far?


	8. Chapter 8

“Wait a minute…” Seungcheol backed away, pushing Jeonghan slightly away from him. “Are you drunk?”  
Jeonghan blushed, guilty. “Just a little bit.” He admitted meekly. “But I promise you everything I said was true. Please don’t leave.” He jumped down as soon as the expression on Seungcheol face changed.

Seungcheol battles within himself. He didn’t know what it was, maybe the months of dreaming and feeling all those days where Jeonghan came home drunk, told him he loved him, and cheating all that time has made him distrustful.

 

Jeonghan quietly snaked his arm around Seungcheol’s waist and rested his head on his chest. He can almost hear the argument Seungcheol was having in his brain but Jeonghan decided to just focus on the heartbeat that he could feel under his cheek.

 

“It’s okay…” Jeonghan whispered. “It’s okay if you don’t trust me yet.” Seungcheol can feel his heart tighten, but his brain won’t relent. “Just give me 5 minutes. I want to stay like this. Give me 5 minutes and I’m going to leave.” Jeonghan felt tears well up his eyes. They were just making out mere seconds ago and he was already so positive, so looking forward to being with him again, pure, and unadulterated. But he cannot blame Seungcheol. He blames himself, for all those times he hurt him. No matter how he tries to defend himself and say that he was hurting, too, the circumstances, his circumstances more specifically, made it torture for Seungcheol. And that will forever be his fault.

 

But oh, how he missed him so bad. Seungcheol has no idea how Jeonghan’s heart just knew right away. How ‘have we met before?’ was his act of desperation, saying ‘Recognize me, recognize me.’ But never out loud. How he wanted to jump into Seungcheol’s arms, how he wanted to see that gummy smile for him once again, how he can vow, that never, ever, will he hurt him again.

 

“You smell like you always do.” Jeonghan whispered, sniffing Seungcheol but not as explicit as the last time he did. “Vanilla.” In all the lifetimes he’d been in, Seungcheol always had a reason why he smelled like that. As the King’s eunuch, Jeonghan made sure Seungcheol looked after his food, and since he liked the smell so much, he appreciates it when his food has some vanilla in them, and since he supervises everything, Seungcheol smells like it all the time.

When they were living together with an adopted son, he worked with his father in the bakery and always came home smelling like all the baked goods. Jeonghan will always cuddle up to him before Seungcheol would take a bath that takes most of the scent away.

 

Before Seungcheol went into the army, he was a perfumer who experimented on the different scents that was dominated by the smell of vanilla. He was extremely hygienic and when he thinks he can, he takes a bath, and applies a little vanilla behind his ears. Jeonghan loved sleeping beside him at night at times like those. 

 

By their fourth life, vanilla became the scent of home to Jeonghan. When he moved in with Jisoo, his house smelled like expensive linen fragrance that slightly resembles citrus and Jeonghan hates it; it smells good yes, but it’s not home. He tried to convince Jisoo to switch to vanilla but apparently, Jisoo has visited their home so many times that he knows. He knows Jeonghan is looking for a place where he can remember Seungcheol. 

 

And now in his arms, it feels like after such a long, long, time. From living until 72 in his last life, and waiting for 18 years to see Seungcheol now, it felt like he’s finally, finally, back home.

 

Because his home is Choi Seungcheol.

 

Taking a deep breath, he slowly let Seungcheol go. He didn’t understand why but he was tearing up again. 

 

What is going on with him?

 

He didn’t usually cry. But when Seungcheol was involved, he always does.

 

“Why are you crying again?” Jeonghan wanted to smile. Seungcheol tried his best to sound like he doesn’t really care much but he knows the underlying worry in his voice.

 

“I seriously don’t know…” Jeonghan replied; his voice shaking. “I guess I just missed you… a lot. This is all so overwhelming.” He took a deep breath and tried to organize the thoughts in his brain so he can part with Seungcheol with a clear path.

 

“So here’s the thing… I think I made things extremely awkward for us tonight. We are partners for an important project and I don’t want to mess everything up just because I wanted to sniff you… and apologize, of course. So, when I walk away, none of this happened. It’s the first life where we’ve met. I am your classmate, your project partner, and no one else. As you are to me.” Seungcheol looked torn for a second but finally relented and nodded.  
“Take care, Seungcheol.” Jeonghan put his hand on Seungcheol’s face once more, trying to get one long glance at it before backing away and leaving.

Seungcheol was so out of it that as soon as Jeonghan left, he released and extremely long breath, he clutched his chest, and refused to look back at Jeonghan. 

 

And didn’t notice how the other man’s shoulder trembled as he cried.

In class the next day, their adviser made them pair up and talk about their project. He did not know how to face Jeonghan, he didn’t even look up when he heard his voice outside bidding Jisoo goodbye. He knows they both should be “forgetting” about what transpired between them but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Jeonghan didn’t force him into the kiss, he kissed Jeonghan just as Jeonghan has kissed him. Plus, deep inside he knows Jeonghan was telling the truth.

 

So why can’t he just say it?!

 

Why can’t he just say, Hey I missed you, too, and I think we shouldn’t stop this. But. He. Can. Freaking. Not.

 

What is wrong with him?

Jeonghan moved to the chair in front of him as soon as the teacher told them to start talking with their partners. “So, do you have any ideas on what to do?” Seungcheol stared at him for the longest time, surprised at how nonchalant Jeonghan looks. I does look like he’s just a classmate if Jeonghan kept on acting like that.

 

“No idea.” Seungcheol answered quietly.

 

“Hmm, what should we do?” Jeonghan pouted cutely, and put his index finger to his chin to make him seem like he was thinking. “Are you good with words?”

 

Seungcheol almost chuckled at that. Obviously not. “No.”

 

“So we can’t write something for this… Are you a science geek?”

 

“Nope.” Suddenly an idea came over him. What would be Jeonghan’s reaction if he suggested it? Would he even try suggesting it?

 

“Jeonghan ah…” he found it extremely endearing when as soon as he said that, Jeonghan’s ears turned pink immediately.

 

“Hmm?” he asked.

 

“How about we make a clock?” Jeonghan raised both his eyebrows. “A clock? Why?”

 

“She said it should be personal. What about a clock?” Seungcheol’s heart was beating wildly in his chest. He can’t even seem to think right now. “It signifies time, and when we make it, it means it’s the start of something old and new. Something endless.” He had no idea what he was talking about, but all he can think of is, he can’t really know if he didn’t try. And he will definitely try.


	9. Jeonghan's POV

Jeonghan ran. He ran and ran. He didn’t notice where he was going but he just ran and ran until he was out of breath. He didn’t usually like to move but exhausting his heart seemed to overpower the pain. He knew it was his fault, all this time, it was his. But why can’t he help but think that this is all so unfair? Why do people like Hansol and Seungkwan have it so easy? Jisoo said that in all of their lives, they just meet quietly, fall in love quietly, stay together quietly, and it always has been like that in all their lifetimes. Why can’t he have that liberty? Or at least, why can’t things just become better? He knows he experiences more than the normal human being, he feels all sensations, but he also feels more often than normal, too. He feels Seungcheol every other day, even after he’s met him.

 

And it just makes everything so much worse.  
Jeonghan has lives all their lifetimes multiple times. Knowing he’s hurt him, wanting to make it up to him, but most especially, being with him. There are times when Seungcheol just sits beside him, looking up at the stars, paying no attention to him, Jeonghan absorbs all of him like that. He’s spent so many days just counting Seungcheol’s beautiful eyelashes, trying to memorize his face. 

 

Sometimes it was just his voice.

 

“Jeonghan ah?” It would always start like that. Jeonghan’s head would snap up in an instant and answering him. “Yes?” he would reply softly. Sometimes he answered, sometimes he didn’t.

 

“Do you love me?”

 

“Of course, I do.”

 

Seungcheol sighed. “I know you don’t, not anymore. Why did I even bother?”

 

“No, no, no. Please, Seungcheol, don’t leave me. Please hear me out.” He would always cry afterwards. It really was his punishment and he deserves it. “I do. I do. I really love you.” But since he’s a memory, Seungcheol never hears him.

 

He slowed his steps, deciding to walk home. When he stepped in, his sister was sitting on the floor, watching some model program. “Where have you been?” she asked casually.

 

“Party. I’m gonna go to bed.” He tried to sound normal but nothing slips from her.

 

“Hey.” She took her eyes away from the TV and motioned him over. She pat the empty space beside her and Jeonghan sat. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing, just slightly drunk.” He whispered, fumbling with his phone.

 

“You were drunk, sure. But I’m positive you’re sober right now. What happened?”

 

“Seungcheol.” As soon as his name slipped out of his tongue, he realized that nobody in his family knows he’s seen him already. “He’s in this school and we’ve been interacting for about a month now.”  
Her gasp was almost comical. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“Well, I didn’t really feel like I had to. He hates me. It’s nothing to celebrate.” His voice broke by the end of his sentence.

 

“Oh, poor baby.” As soon as his sister hugged him, his tears just started pouring like he hasn’t cried in so long. His sisters’ hugs were his companion all those times the memories haunted him, and he didn’t think that that moment was an exception. “It’s going to be okay.” She whispered onto his hair. Jeonghan urged himself to stop crying, his sister is busy. If he wanted to cry, he could just do it in his bed.

 

“You know what,” she whispered before he can pull away. “I started feeling everything on my fifth lifetime, too.” His sister, 27 years old, single since birth, hasn’t seen her partner, yet. “But it wasn’t his. It was still his 3rd lifetime, and I can vividly remember dying single in my first two; just looking for someone who didn’t exist yet. I lived in a world where I knew all of him, the way he wanted things, what he liked, what he didn’t, but all he had of me was my voice. He didn’t know what it was with my voice he just says he likes it. And I had to endure it, for years, and years I couldn’t say anything. I want to jump into his arms, tell him I love him, tell him how I missed him, but I can’t. But eventually, he did. Because that’s how it works. They are our soulmates. We were made for each other and that meant the universe conspired for us to fall in love. Me with my memories of him, and his present, and him with just me. Plain me.” She moved away from their embrace and looked at him in the eye. “The thing is I think we should just wait it out. Things will pan out.” She smiled, but then she added, “Hopefully.” Which made Jeonghan chuckle nervously.

 

“Which life are you on right now?”

 

“It’s my seventh.” She smiled widely, her eyes glistening.

 

“Wait, that means—”

 

“It’s his fifth, yes. I’m not rushing anything because I’m just looking forward to when it finally happens. And by the time, finally, it won’t just be me.”

 

“Good for you.” Jeonghan felt genuinely happy for his sister. But would her advice really apply to them both? His sister struggled with him not remembering, Jeonghan and Seungcheol struggled because they had too much to remember. Too many things affected how they dealt with each other, neither of them can look at each other without remembering the past.

 

For Jeonghan it was just affection, love, and longing.

 

But for Seungcheol it included pain and betrayal.   
He doesn’t know what he will do about that. No one can save Seungcheol from all that he remembers. Maybe his sister is right. Maybe what’s left of him to do is to be himself, to just let things be, to see if Seungcheol is still willing to take a chance with this Jeonghan. With the Jeonghan that’s determined; a Jeonghan who just misses him. 


	10. Chapter 10

Jeonghan looked kind of dumbfounded even though, technically, Seungcheol didn’t say anything that meant something else. Except he did. He means something else, and he wants Jeonghan to catch that, since he apparently can’t say anything straight at Jeonghan.

“We should just… try it out, you know?” Seungcheol added, trying to make things easier for Jeonghan.

Jeonghan was obviously trying to make it look like he understands nothing but his smile betrayed him. “Should we? Are you sure you’re going to give it a try?” He peeked at him through his bangs and Seungcheol was sure he can see Jeonghan blush.

After a long pause, he replied. “Yes.” Jeonghan exhaled so loudly, everyone in their class looked their way.

“I know the project is vague and I know it’s hard but be strong.” Miss Nam teased. “I never grade like an unmarried 50 year old, okay?”

 

-

 

Their lunch table was exceptionally sparse that day. “Where is everyone?” Seungcheol sat down beside Jun. He couldn’t even find Soonyoung and Jihoon.

“Remember that bet they had last week?”

Seungcheol tried to scan his memory. “The one where Seokmin and Seungkwan are supposed to wear hotdog costumes if they lost?”

“That’s it.” Jun smiled, anticipating. “They all went to watch the whole parade but I just stayed here, they’re all coming here for lunch anyway.” Jun shrugged, munching on his hash browns. Jeonghan suddenly arrived with Jisoo, pausing to look at Seungcheol consciously, knowing the issue about Jisoo is sensitive for him. But he just smiled at Jeonghan, reassuring him that what happened it the past life doesn’t really matter in this one. Jisoo might not even be interested in him.

Sensing the perfect timing that it’s just him, Jun, and two of the least nosy people in their group of people, he decided to turn his attention to Jun and eventually help Jihoon out.

“Jun-ah…” he looked slightly over, Jun was slightly playing with his food, distracted. “Ya Moon Junhui.”

“Huh?” Jun finally looks up.

“What’s going on with you?” he inquired silently, slightly looking over to where Jeonghan and Jisoo were joined by another person (thankfully) and were talking animatedly about the neighborhood dog… or something like that.

Jun hesitated for a second and looked over Jisoo’s group cautiously. “It’s Jihoon.” Seungcheol was not surprised but like a fanboy, his heart jumped and he had the strongest urge to giggle. But he didn’t, of course. He was manly as heck.

“Yes?” he urged him, trying to muster the most uninterested voice he could. “It’s… you know…” from being friends for more than a year, he knew that half of his group of friends cannot articulate for shit; and that includes Jun. So he didn’t press and decided he just jump the explaining part.

“I know.” He whispered, much to Jun’s surprise. “Jihoon told me.”

“He knows?” Jun looked panicked.

“Calm down. He’s not going to do anything about it if you don’t want to.”

“How long has he known?”

“Ever since you arrived, he said.”

“A whole year?”

“Yep.” He watched Jun struggle with himself. If there was someone in his group of friends more thoughtful than he was, it was Jun. He’s always the one who cleans up after everybody else, he’s the one who practices whole conversations to make sure he doesn’t offend anybody, and I’m sure he’s stayed quiet all this time for Jihoon.

“How long have you known?” he inquired.

“Longer.” Jun answered quietly. “I can see him. I transferred here when one of the visions had the school name behind him. I’ve always known his name because he’s always in the school uniform and name pin whenever the visions come.”

Seungcheol nodded solemnly. “Wait—how is that possible, you’re supposed to see the past.”

“Nope. Some Seers see the present or the future.” Seungcheol raised his brows. He didn’t know some cases could be so special. “He really wants to, you know.” He added after a few more moments of silence. “He wants to, so bad, but he’s so scared you don’t know him.” Right at that moment, his group of friends crowded the cafeteria, laughing and teasing, walking after hotdog Seokmin and hotdog Seungkwan.

The two didn’t even look the slightest bit baffled and were rather doing weird poses and are smiling like idiots. “Hey! Lunch time is almost over, come here!” Jisoo called out and the whole group ran up to their table. In a flash, Jun got up from his seat, stormed up to Jihoon and dragged him off. As to where, he didn’t know, but he hoped for the best.

“Where are those two going?” Seokmin struggled to sit because apparently, hotdogs aren’t supposed to, silently thanking Jisoo for ordering food for them beforehand.

“To patch things up, I hope.” Soonyoung replied, trying to feed the struggling Seokmin, his new-found friend. Seungcheol looked up to see Hansol sending him a knowing look. This kid really does know everything.

 

 

“Choi Seungcheol!” he turned to see a running Jeonghan. He stopped, staring at Jeonghan’s hair bob up and down from running, his even teeth all showing as he smiled. Ever since their conversation about the clock this morning, they have had no chance to talk it further. He feels like they have come to a sort of agreement, though. Jeonghan caught up, holding onto the straps of Seungcheol’s bag as he panted. “You walk so fast.” Jeonghan continuously panted, trying to compose himself.

“What is it?”

“Can I take you somewhere?” Jeonghan smiled up at him, showing all his teeth, and that space in the corners that Seungcheol can’t help but fawn about.

“Sure. Where?” he thinks he should’ve asked where first before consenting to it. But he thinks that will just be him with Jeonghan. Saying yes apparently has become more of a priority to him rather than anything else.

“Honestly, I didn’t think about that part.” Jeonghan replied, with a sheepish look in his face. “I didn’t think you’d agree! I was just testing it out.”

Seungcheol stared at his eyes for a while, trying to figure him out. He knew it now, this Jeonghan didn’t have anything to do with all the Jeonghan’s of his past, just as he doesn’t have to do with anything with the actions of the Seungcheol of the past. What matters is who they both are now, and they are both willing to give it a chance.

“Do you want something to eat?” Seungcheol prompted.

“Yes, I’d love to.”

 

 

He didn’t think it was possible to learn so much about someone in a short span of time. Jeonghan talked a lot. Well, Seungcheol liked asking the questions himself. He wanted to remember Jeonghan for who he is now and forget the Jeonghan he has in his dreams. “I want to try something, though.” Jeonghan announced, while they both sat on the grass near Han River.

“What is it?”

“I want to get my hair cut. And I want a different color, I’ve had this hairstyle for so long now.”

Seungcheol hesitated, even though he’s trying his best not to mind the Jeonghan of the past, a single hairstyle may just make him remember things. He likes this one, shoulder-length, straight, brown hair. Not the long, black, king-haired one, not the buzz cut, not the black bob-cut, and especially not the short brown one from the last life. He may be acting selfish right now but he does not want anything to happen that might trigger his slightly bipolar thoughts.

A flash of worry came over Jeonghan’s face. “You decide.” He added, smiling reassuringly. “You can change it drastically to the point where it doesn’t remind you of the past any longer.” Seungcheol’s heart skipped, touched by the gesture, knowing that even though he was acting selfish, Jeonghan knew. He reached over quietly, taking Jeonghan’s hand in his.

Jeonghan look extremely surprised, his hand stiff in Seungcheol’s, but then when he finally realized what was happening, warmed up and clasped the others’ in his, flushing intensely. Seungcheol felt extremely giddy, wondering how he didn’t have the guts to face his feelings right away.

Jeonghan just wants to cry. He has waited two lives for Seungcheol to look at him like this again.


	11. Chapter 11

(

Seungcheol sat nervously inside a café, not even touching his coffee, while Jeonghan is in the parlor next door, getting his hair altered based on what he described. For him it was just a random thought, how would Jeonghan look like in this hair style? And before he knew it, he was already suggesting it to the hairstylist. “He would look good in it I assure you.”

But Seungcheol was still fidgeting in his seat. Jeonghan texted him that it was going to be over soon and that he should chill for a while, but he can’t stop himself from thinking that he might have destroyed Jeonghan’s visuals (as if someone has the ability to do that).

He was playing with his spoon when someone suddenly sat in the chair opposite his. He couldn’t recognize him at first.

Not with the short blond hair.

Which looked good.

Extremely good.

“Hi.” Jeonghan smiled at him, running fingers through his hair, obviously liking it. “Do you like it?” Seungcheol didn’t answer, he just stared at Jeonghan and how it totally suited him. The other started looking nervous and so he gave him a reassuring smile. “I have a knack for these things.” Jeonghan smiled widely and was so pleased with himself, he sometimes feels extremely pathetic for feeling this giddy around him. He missed everything about him, the way his hand felt against his… his compliments… everything.

Slowly, wanting more, he reached across the table and took Seungcheol’s hand in his. It was Seungcheol’s turn to blush furiously.

 

 

Seungcheol arrived home, more elated than ever, thinking about the events of that afternoon, Jeonghan’s laugh, Jeonghan’s hands… Jeonghan.

He slipped off his shoes with a big grin on his face. His mother greeted him by the door with a weary look in her face. “Were you tired at work today?” he inquired. She hard dark circles around her eyes and her skin looked dry and sallow.

She nodded. “I was tired.” She almost whispered.

She eyed him wearily, obviously sizing him up. “Are you okay?”

“How are you, Seungcheol?” she looked at him square in the face, looking firm despite her frailty.

“I’m fine, mom.” Seungcheol was starting to think it odd. He and his mother were close but they were never the ‘checking up on each other’ type.

“Are you happy?” she almost sounded challenging. Did she know anything about Jeonghan?

“Yes, I am.”

“Well, enjoy it.” With one last look at him, she turned away from him and walked away.

 

Seungcheol lay still that night wondering why his mother was so against it. It wasn’t just the concept of soulmates and stuff like that, he knows it. But it was just the concept of him being with a partner. A loud ring interrupted his thoughts and Seungcheol grumbled as he tried to reach for his phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” Jeonghan’s voice was soft on the other line and Seungcheol can’t help but smile despite himself. “Are you still awake?”

“Obviously.”

“This is weird…” Jeonghan chuckled. “I don’t like talking on the phone that much, but… it’s you.” Seungcheol can hear the embarrassment in Jeonghan’s voice that he can’t help but tease.

“Pardon? I didn’t catch that.” He answered, suppressing a smile.

“Stop.” Jeonghan chuckled. “I can hear you teasing from here.”

Seungcheol glanced at his wristwatch and came up with a random idea. “How would you like to…go out?”

“What? Right now?”

“Yeah, right now. We can go to a convenience store and eat some ice cream… I guess.” He finished uncertainly. It only proves that he doesn’t really know Jeonghan that much. He doesn’t even know if he was the type of guy who would be allowed to go out at this time of night.

“Uhh…”

“But if you’re not allowed to—,”

“No, it’s okay. I can.”

“See you in that small children’s park near the school, there’s a convenience store near, we can get some ice cream and talk in the swings.”

“Yeah, in 30 minutes, maybe?”

 

Seungcheol was giddy the whole time he was preparing up until now he’s pedaling his way to the meeting place. He has never been the type who was constantly restricted. He always went out in the middle of the night with Jihoon, and he has never felt threatened. Aside from the fact that he’s a Taekwondo black belt and Jihoon is just a generally violent person, he knows there really is nothing to worry about. Jeonghan, on the other hand…

He stopped, quickly dialing Jeonghan’s number on his phone and was quickly connected.

“Jeonghan ah! Where are you?”

“I’m already here, where are you?”

“I’m nearly there, but I suddenly was worried that something might happen to you.”

“I am not that weak,” he protested. “Plus, I have my sisters’ taser with me.” He added with an obvious smile.

“Okay, okay. Wait for me.”

Seungcheol pedaled two more blocks before slowing to a stop by the convenience store, getting two ice cream sandwiches, thinking he shouldn’t just make Jeonghan walk back when he already has waited for him.

His heart made an extreme somersault as soon he saw Jeonghan’s freshly bleached (and even slightly permed) hair, and he just gapes, wondering how someone can look so ethereal and perfect. He wasn’t even exaggerating. He had always look soft and chiseled at the same time, his eyes sparking from the inside, his lips so pink and perfect. The blonde just added to the angel look by casting a light halo-like look around his head.

And Seungcheol is fucked.

“Seungcheol ah!” he also realized that they both had dropped the honorifics and that Jeonghan was already becoming extremely impatient.

“Hi.” He answered dumbly, earning himself a questioning face from Jeonghan. “I got ice cream.”

“Do you have vanilla? I can’t handle anything else.” For some unknown reason, Seungcheol had random images flying across his mind again, but this time, they seemed extremely inappropriate.

An image of Jeonghan on top of him.

Underneath him.

Against the wall.

Him against the wall.

With the same look of pleasure and the same item of clothing: none.

Seungcheol almost got hard and had to grip his bike for support thinking disgusting thoughts, disgusting thoughts, man-frog-robot hybrid wearing his grandmother’s dentures…

That seemed to do it.

“Yes, I do have the…bland flavored one.”

“Are you okay?”

No, I am not. “Yeah, sure.”

 

Despite his little perverted episode earlier in the night, he and Jeonghan actually managed to have a flowing conversation sitting on the swings. He did not understand how he, being the awkward carrot that he was, managed to have long, proper, conversation, with someone he feels the butterflies for. Talking to Jeonghan was like falling into a silent stupor, seeing through Jeonghan’s eyes, feeling Jeonghan’s words.

He learned so many things about Jeonghan that night.

More than just the basic information, he learned how Jeonghan just was. The sensitivity, the thoughtfulness, the playfulness, his cheating abilities… (to the point of suggesting that they both just buy a made clock for their project).

“Miss Nam is going to notice that.”

“We can just open it and tinker with it to make it imperfect but still functioning.”

“I can't believe you!” Seungcheol then answered with a laugh before Jeonghan finally gave the idea up.

Going deeper onto their conversation, Jeonghan suddenly turned silent.

“Jeonghan ah? Are you okay?” He inquired, slowly bending his neck trying to look at Jeonghan who has his head down. He didn’t know if Jeonghan was scamming him again, but a single tear fell and reflected and made Seungcheol see that he was crying. “Hey…” he quickly knelt in front of Jeonghan. “What’s wrong?” using his index finger, he tilted Jeonghan’s chin and made him look at him in the eye.

“I’m sorry I’m crying again…” he quickly tried to wipe away all the tears that were marring his beautiful face. “I just keep on crying.” Seungcheol’s heart felt heavy, like somewhere deep in his chest, he was crying, too.

“Don’t cry…” Using his own fingers, he wiped some of Jeonghan’s tears away that just kept on falling. “Tell me what’s wrong, please?”

“I—I want this to last. I just want this moment, right here, right now, to just… stop.” He looked Seungcheol straight in the eye. “Do you know when the last time were like this?”

Seungcheol shook his head.

“Fourth of October, 1887. It was my eighteenth birthday, we were in the shore by the village. Sitting side by side, talking about the good things, the only remaining good things that there were at that time. I was scared about running away with you, I was scared about the fact that we’d decided to live on our own, to fend for ourselves, just supporting each other. But you just decided to talk about the good things, because it was my birthday, you said, you said you only wanted to give me what was good in life. It was like this, talking about mundane information about each other, talking about how we saw the future, how happy you were that I saw you in my future. I was so scared, but I was extremely happy, too. Because I was maddeningly in love with you.”

Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan with a faraway look in his face, totally into his memories of him. Seungcheol thought, how difficult could it have been for Jeonghan, to remember everything in such detail?

“That was 130 years ago… I have lived my life feeling all the 130 years in between. All that happened under the Japanese, the civil war we were in, the domestic war we both had… we never had the chance to talk like this again. And—I just missed you so bad, I want us to stop here, I want time to just stop everything and let me live in this bliss, because right here, right now, with you. This is enough for me.”

“But I can’t help but thinking… I can never make you forget everything that has happened. I will forever be the Jeonghan who has hurt you so much, I will always be the Jeonghan who chose another person just because he was so tired of the memories with you just because they haunted him…”

“Wait what do you mean?”

“I started remembering you perfectly from my last life… but they were all so horrible and painful for me, I was a coward. The memories became too painful and I decided to leave you for someone who didn’t have baggage. Jisoo didn’t have baggage, he never has had someone, I chickened and left you. Worst decision.”

“That’s why I kept thinking… for everything I have done to you, I wouldn’t be surprised if you would just…stop feeling something for me. So… can you please… tell me, if you really are willing to make this work? I don’t want to create so many memories to cry over 130 years all over again, Seungcheol ah, I won’t be able to bear it. I want to make sure you will try your best with me to make this work, because I am desperate. If I’m going to remember all this for another 130 years I’d rather remember nothing at all.” Seungcheol has a sudden understanding of everything. Everything that Jeonghan has been through all this time, just to keep him.

“I just… love you. Intensely.” Jeonghan slowly held Seungcheol’s hand and he was surprised to feel heartbeat against his palms. He looked at Jeonghan, how vulnerable he looked, how desperate, and how utterly broken. He was just offering himself up for Seungcheol to fix or to break. Now it was his turn to decide.

He scanned his heart for answers but all he can feel is pain, from seeing Jeonghan’s tears, anger towards himself for being so selfish and leaving Jeonghan for all this, an urge to protect this man in front of him, even it was against himself, the feeling of all his happy memories with the man he has loved in all of his lives… and knew, that he felt the same way.

“I will, Jeonghan ah.” He brought his other hand to cup Jeonghan’s face, half of it going into Jeonghan’s hair, cupping it gently. He wanted his hand to radiate what he felt in his heart. “I’ve never had anyone but you… I will protect you. I’m not just saying this to make you feel better… this is how I feel, okay? From now on, you have me.”

Jeonghan nodded fervently and brought his face closer to Seuncheol’s, but not without Seungcheol meeting him halfway, sealing their agreement with a kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

Everyone knew that apart from not being able to say how he feels, Seungcheol was also known forn not showing it. He had overcome saying how he feels through Jeonghan, and now, he will overcome showing how he feels, also through Jeonghan.

He didn’t realize it at first but Jeonghan releases a side of him he never knew was there before. It has been weeks since their conversation in the park and Seungcheol has become so much more vocal when it came to Jeonghan. Of course, only when it’s just the two of them, none of their friends know about what has been going on yet, but Seungcheol wants Jeonghan to feel secure. He can sometimes still see signs of insecurity when it came to him. Moments where Jeonghan refused to argue with him, when he just let Seungcheol do what he wants without even thinking about how it might affect him. And Seungcheol knows it’s his job to take Jeonghan out of that; to make him sure that none of his worries will work here. That none of both their worries matter here. Because this is a different life. And this is a different them.

Jeonghan was sitting with Jisoo and Seungkwan under a tree, watching everybody play soccer when Seungcheol sat down beside him. “Why aren’t you playing with the others, you’re good at that, right?” he asked, Jisoo turned his head quickly to their direction with his eyebrows raised.

“How did you know he was athletic? I thought everybody knows him as the lazy one.” Jisoo’s tone was nice and kind but the underlying implication of the fact that he’s supposed to be the only one that knows Jeonghan irks him.

“Well, we’re kind of close now.” Jeonghan answered, splashes of pink across his face.”

“Extremely close.” Seungcheol teased, nudging Jeonghan with his elbow, who, as if it was still humanly possible, was becoming redder by the minute.

Their flirting was interrupted when Soonyoung suddenly shouted on the top of his lungs while the rest of his team tackled him to the ground when he scored a goal. Seungcheol took the commotion as an opportunity to get Jeonghan’s attention to himself.

“Hey,” he held Jeonghan’s hand, opened his palm and put a small metallic thing against his palm. “I got you something.”

Jeonghan looked at the keychain in his hand, shaped like a pillow and smiled at him. “Where did you find this?”

“I was running an errand for Jihoon the other day and I saw it in one of the shops near our place. It just… made me think of you.” Seungcheol cleared his throat in embarrassment, at the same time plastering a huge grin on his face for making Jeonghan smile like this, complete set of teeth and all. He feels like he has to punch something to feel manly again, this is all so gay.

Well, duh, it is gay.

 

Maybe they were all slacking off because as seniors, academics stopped being a stress to all of them, and their supposed big project isn’t due until the end of the school year, but Seungcheol and Jeonghan has been using it as an excuse to hang out all afternoon, just the two of them. Mostly it’s just the park, sometimes it was by the riverbank, sometimes they ate ice cream under the sun, sometimes a cup of ramen in the middle of night, just talking about random things. Who they were, who they are, and who they want to be. He felt like he’s known Jeonghan more in this life than he has in the others, combined.

For the third time that week, most of their group of friends were at the field again, playing soccer, and this time, Jisoo and Seungkwan didn’t sit it out and played with the others which meant only Seungcheol and Jeonghan sat by the sidelines, cheering, but talking mostly.

“Hey, do you want to… come over, after class?” Jeonghan asked after the cheers for their friends’ team had died down. Seungcheol was evidently surprised, of all the weeks they’ve been hanging out almost every day but neither of them had talked about coming over. “My parents are currently abroad for business and they’re going to be there for a long time with my little sister so it’s just me and my older sister. She doesn’t really mind.” Seungcheol knew Jeonghan meant nothing racy by his invitation but his perverted mind still accepted the possibility.

“Is she going to be there?”

“After class? No. But she comes home early.” Seungcheol almost laughed at the tone Jeonghan said it, as if he can hear the connotations in Seungcheol’s statement. He wasn’t really looking forward to it but he knows that it is a possibility. He’s sure Jeonghan isn’t ready yet, though. And he wasn’t really sure if he was, either, so he decided to file that though away to the back of his mind and forget about it.

“Hey,” a shadow was cast over them as one of the players from the other team stood in front of the two of them. “Choi Seungcheol, right?” he was tall and soft-looking, a stranger, but not really unfamiliar. Maybe because they were from the same school.

“Yeah.”

“So, you’re the runner.” He sized him up from head to foot, obviously lingered on his thighs and nodded. “Well, you definitely look like one.”

“Uh… thanks?” He didn’t know if it was supposed to be a compliment but he just decided to accept it as such. “Oh, I’m so sorry, how rude of me, I didn’t even introduce myself.” He straightened up and wiped the sweat on his forehead with a towel.

“Jang Doyoon.” As soon as he offered his right hand, he felt Jeonghan stiffen beside him, gasping so quietly only someone who was so attentive to his sounds like Seungcheol can notice. “Nice to meet you, Seungcheol.” Despite Jeonghan’s reaction, Seungcheol felt like it was rude to reject an innocent handshake. “And…?” Doyoon looked at Jeonghan with a kind look on his face.

“Yoon Jeonghan.” He whispered quietly.

“Hi, Jeonghan. Nice to meet you.” He smiled at both of them, mostly Seungcheol, before walking away. Both of them were silent afterwards, Seungcheol not really knowing what to do even though he has no idea why Jeonghan looked so scared and even angry with the new guy. Seungcheol looked at him, with a stony expression, and a faraway look in his eyes, which mostly happens when some memories were bothering him again.

“You know I’ve never seen his face before.” Jeonghan suddenly spoke up, surprising him.

“Me neither, he may be a new student.”

“I meant not in this life. I’ve only heard a voice before.” Being the dense person that he was, he didn’t know what the new guy meant to their past.

“What do you mean, did we know him?”

Jeonghan looked at him straight in the eye, almost slightly amused. “Jang Doyoon. The man you married two years after our divorce.” A sudden image flashed in front of his own eyes.

Him trying to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.

Becoming dead inside after the divorce.

Lonely without Jeonghan.

Then him looking at a new person with interest.

Inviting him over.

Sleeping with him.

Marrying him.

Being happy again.

Intensely happy. Not as happy as he was with Jeonghan, but almost.

 

The images stopped, and he suddenly was scared. He was happy with Doyoon. He saved him from where Jeonghan left him. And now looking at Jeonghan, he knows that even though he’s scared, Jeonghan, on the other hand, was terrified.


	13. Chapter 13

“Am I still invited?” Seungcheol consciously held onto the straps of bag as he walked in sync with Jeonghan.

“Of course. I’ve thought about it and… Well, if you’re willing to forget every bad memory you have of me, then I should be, too. If Jisoo can remain my friend then I shouldn’t be scared of him.” Seungcheol smiled. He thought all his efforts in letting them remain friends went over Jeonghan’s head but apparently, it didn’t.

“Do you know how to play some video games?”

Jeonghan laughed bashfully, mostly from relief. He loves how he and Seungcheol can just turn tense situations like that; they have always been like that, turning situations around, trying to cheer each other up—who is he kidding? It has always been him who tried, and it has always been Jeonghan who gave up.

“No.”

“Shall we watch a movie then?”

“That’s more like it.”

 

Jeonghan was rich. He knew it as soon as he stepped in. From the outside, it didn’t too out of the ordinary, just a little bit bigger than the others in their neighborhood. But inside, it was decorated with expensive things, all up to date with the latest models, the best ones. Stellar compared to Cheol’s simple abode.

“Wow.” Was the only word Seungcheol was able to express as soon as Jeonghan opened the door to his room. It was all out lavish. He didn’t see Jeonghan as someone who would be this lavish, four-post bed, drapes, and most of all, the pillows. “Those are a lot of pillows.” He wasn’t kidding. The pillows didn’t only swallow the entirety of Jeonghan’s bed but there were also some on the floor, on the sofa, on top of the cabinets, even strewn all over the floor.

“I like pillows.” Jeonghan muttered, picking up the pillows and throwing them haphazardly into an open door which apparently led into his walk-in closet.

“You don’t say.” He commented sarcastically. He was still too busy ogling the entirety of the room, though. It was all-out lavish, not something he has ever seen outside of movies.

“Pick a movie.” Jeonghan threw him a remote control and Seungcheol made himself comfortable in the sofa enough for two people and self-consciously put his bag on the floor while he tried to focus on picking a movie.

 

Seungcheol was self-consciously hugging a pillow the entire time the movie was on. He may blame it on his uncontrollable teenage libido but he was quite sure it was Jeonghan.

The way he smiled at every dumb joke, his plain and almost soulless ‘ha ha ha’, the way he’d hit back everytime Seungcheol hits him during extremely hilarious moments. He knows he hits hard but Jeonghan just complains and hits right back.

“Well, that was fun.”

“Well, it was comedy.” Jeonghan shot back, his mischievous personality leaking out. It wasn’t Jeonghan if he wasn’t sneaky and sarcastic.

Jeonghan turned to face him and bent his legs underneath him in a sort of an Indian sitting position, feeling like he wants to, Seungcheol mirrored the act and looked at Jeonghan.

“Can I ask you something?”

“What is it?” Seungcheol answered, turning serious.

“What do you really feel about me?”

Seungcheol didn’t expect the question, and he didn’t know what to say. In these moments, he suddenly remembered soldier Jeonghan in one of his dreams, reminding him: when in doubt, tell the truth. It wasn’t good advice for a war soldier, but it might as well work now.

“I like you. A lot. But… I can’t really explain it yet. But you make me feel things I’ve never felt before… and I don’t want to label this yet.”

“I understand.” Jeonghan spoke softly, leaning nearer as to hear him, slightly smiling. “I’m not forcing you into anything, I just wanted to know exactly.”

Seungcheol tried to suppress a smile and as he looked up at Jeonghan, who was leaning in dangerously near.

“What are you thinking?” Seungcheol slowly tried to meet him, whispering while looking into the others’ eyes.

“You smell really good.” The moment Jeonghan’s lips touched his, his eyes almost went to the back of his head and he almost moaned but he stopped himself. Jeonghan was eager and immediately wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him in. By instinct, his arms wrapped around Jeonghan’s waist and pulled him impossibly closer, causing them to lose their balance and made him fall onto his back with Jeonghan on top of him.

“Perfect.” A chill ran up his spine when Jeonghan whispered the word against his lips before kissing him again. His lips were warm and slightly aggressive but he didn’t mind, he can almost feel the longing in them. He ran one of his palms across the others’ back as his other hand went to Jeonghan’s hair, clasping his short blond hair, which, to be honest, just made him feel hotter.

Jeonghan’s lips moved to his cheeks then quickly progressed down to his neck. “Jeonghan ah…” Jeonghan ignored him and went from kissing to actually sucking. Seungcheol felt himself harden and he needs to stop this before this goes further…

“Jeonghan ah…” he pulled away and looked at a hazy-eyed Jeonghan. “We should stop before it goes further.”

“What if I want it to?” Seungcheol was too stunned to answer and Jeonghan took that as a go signal and went back to sucking against the soft skin of Seungcheol’s neck. He knows he’s trying to hold the moans in but his heavy breathing betrayed him.

Seungcheol can hold his moans in, but a soon as Jeonghan’s own clothed hard-on started rubbing against his, he lost it. “That’s it…” Jeonghan whispered against his ear, gently biting. “We should move this to the bed.” He knew he wasn’t in any position to complain and just followed Jeonghan as he shoved most of his pillows away from his bed. He pushed Seungcheol to the bed and started working with his button and zipper, hastily pulling everything down and started working on his own.

“Remove your shirt.” He ordered, making Seungcheol consciously remove his remaining clothing. Jeonghan went back to straddling him, returning to attack Seungcheol’s neck. The other may see it as a fetish for Jeonghan but what specifically drive him wild are the moles. Seungcheol’s hands felt so good against his skin.

He didn’t know how Seungcheol preferred it so he went back to kissing him, he was so addictive, Jeonghan can’t have enough of him, he slowly caressed Seungcheol’s body, down, down, down, gently touching his entrance to see his reaction. When he only moaned, Jeonghan continued his assault with the goal to make the other scream his name.

Braving it, Jeonghan opened his drawer to reach for the lube and applied enough. He looked at the man underneath him, so open and vulnerable, and was even smiling a little.

“Are you okay with this?” he leaned in close and rested his arms on both sides of Seungcheol’s head and kissed his nose fondly. “If you don’t want to I can stop.”

“Are you kidding me?” Seungcheol smirked at blinked, fanning Jeonghan’s cheeks with long, dark, lashes. It was enough to tip Jeonghan over the edge and one thrust, he was in.

Jeonghan wasted no time, and kept thrusting while studying Seungcheol’s reactions, he shifted a little bit to the right and by the way Seungcheol looked, he knew he hit the right spot.

“Right there?”  
“Oh my god, right there.”

Jeonghan made his thrusts quick, becoming impatient. Seungcheol started moaning, loudly, this time, and Jeonghan will keep abusing the spot until he screams.

“Oh my god, Jeonghan. Faster.” He rammed the spot and retuned to kissing Seungcheol’s neck. He was near, he intertwined his fingers with Seungcheol’s and held onto him as the other started trembling.

“Oh my god, Jeonghan!” Seungcheol came and Jeonghan took it as his cue to stop holding his in as he finally released. He can see stars behind his eyes. He wasn’t even able to stop himself from biting Seungcheol’s shoulder from the pleasure.

 

 

“You’re a screamer.” Jeonghan commented.

“You’re good.” Seungcheol exhaled.

“We can switch next time.” Jeonghan rolled over to him becoming smaller against him again, he cupped the others’ face and pulled it in for a kiss.

A look passed across Seungcheol’s expression and Jeonghan became worried. Is he regretting this? What if he’s leaving me? No.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just…” he hesitated, but looking at Jeonghan’s worried, and most probably paranoid eyes, he decided to spill. “We just… slept together, so what are we, exactly?”

Jeonghan exhaled in relief. He was so relieved he started laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re so dumb.”

“What!”

“Of course I’m your boyfriend.” Jeonghan suddenly realized he hasn’t even consulted Cheol about this and he’s going around announcing it. “Unless I’m not yours, of course, that’s fine, I’m sorry for assuming I—“

Jeonghan was immediately cut off by a pair of lips against his own, and a muscular, track athletes’ body pinning him onto the mattress.

Both of them flew away from each other when a strong, loud knock, was heard. “Jeonghan ah?”

“It’s my sister!” he giggled.

“If you’re…done…you should have dinner downstairs, you two should eat.”

Jeonghan had to kiss Seungcheol’s horrified expression away.


	14. Chapter 14

Jeonghan eyed Seungcheol as he tried his best to sit down gently the next day. He can’t keep but giggle at the sight; being the class president, the said man has to stand and sit multiple times a day, and the slight grimace just tells everyone observant enough that Seungcheol has been bottoming all weekend. Jeonghan has, too, like he promised, but it wasn’t as often compared to the other. Maybe he’d have to make it up this weekend

 

When Jeonghan arrived for lunch, every seat was taken except for the one beside Seungcheol. Even though none of their friends know about the fact that they have been sleeping with each other, he still hesitated taking a seat.

“Jeonghan ah, come here.” But without even batting an eyelash, Seungcheol grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him down to the seat beside his. Everyone was having a heated argument regarding pineapple belonging on pizzas or not, stupid stuff as usual, and Cheol was having the time of his life. “They’re all so stupid.” He giggles, extends one arm and wraps it around Jeonghan. He noticed Jisoo looked up curiously, but without judgement. Well, it was Jisoo.

Even though he was enjoying Cheol’s clinginess throughout lunchtime, he can’t help but wonder how the others would react. He knows it’s nothing to hide, they already had 2 pairs in the group, officially ever since Junhui and Jihoon had talked it out and started sticking with each other, he didn’t really think Cheol and him would be any different when it came to acceptance, he just… didn’t know what to do. These were originally Cheol’s friends, even though they’re already his friends, too, he didn’t know if they’d like him as Cheol’s partner. It was so much different.

“You should stop worrying.” Seungcheol whispered, dangerously close to his neck. “I told Soonyoung this morning.”

“So naturally,” Soonyoung added from his right. “Everybody knows.”

Jeonghan can’t help but laugh. If you wanted something to be spread in a span of minutes, all you need to do is tell Soonyoung. The boy is a slut for gossip.

“But stop with the PDA,” Myungho chastised from across them. “These two are nauseating enough.” He pointed to Seungkwan and Hansol almost eating face beside him.

“Sorry.” Cheol cleared his throat, slowly pulling his arm back.

“I just want to thank all the gods that exist that Jihoon hates skinship or I’d have to deal with 3. Lord, help my soul.” Wonwoo added, looking at Junhui with menacing eyes.

“Why, would you want us to—,” before Junhui can even lay a finger on any part of Jihoon, the smallers boys’ palm was already pushing the others’ face away from him.

“Don’t even dare.” Jeonghan laughed heartily, his small teeth all showing themselves, coming out of hiding. Seungcheol stared at him, feeling a tiny pull against his heartstrings. Jeonghan really was beautiful. More beautiful than anyone else in the world.

It wasn’t just because of the short blond hair (although, how hot is he with that hair?), it wasn’t the high cheekbones, perfect nose, and more than perfect eyes. It was just… him. He feels like when you actually get to know someone, when you’ve seen them drool against their pillow, the way they react to pressure (hilariously, if he might add), the way their eyes shine when they look at food; when you actually look at someone through their hearts, that you actually just see one. You stop seeing them by their beautiful pink lips or other parts of them, you see one being, and you just see beautiful.

And Jeonghan was beautiful.

 

It was already 8 PM but he and Jeonghan were still walking home. After hours of planning, they finally have a concrete model of how their project is supposed to turn out. And it’s been months since the last time they slept together. They’ve had times when they almost did, though. But it was either they were so close to getting caught or one of them tried to stop the other. None of them were really rushing it either, the prelims went by, and despite being seniors, and they just got busier and busier. That doesn’t mean they don’t make out anymore, though. Oh they do, alright. In almost every surface available, and every single day, what Seungcheol feels for Jeonghan just becomes deeper and deeper until sometimes he can’t hold it in anymore.

Tonight, with Jeonghan kicking pebbles three steps ahead of him, was probably one of those nights. Seungcheol was extremely late for their library meeting that night and Jeonghan was obviously extremely upset (plus the fact that he’s been with the track team the whole time, therefore, Doyoon), and he had to try everything to woo him. It wasn’t really difficult when it came to Jeonghan, so he feels like he should make it up to him. He doesn’t know how, though.

“Why are you walking so slowly?” Seungcheol tries to keep up with him, then, smiling softly at his still slightly upset boyfriend.

“Do you want to eat anything?” he asked softly, because apparently, food fixes anything in the world for Jeonghan.

“No. I’m still kind of full.”

“Are you still mad at me?”

“Mad? I’m not mad. I’m just…” he eyes Seungcheol wearily, his expression pouty. “Jealous?” Jealousy is not a positive feeling so Seungcheol was quite surprised when he became extremely pleased with Jeonghan’s statement.

“You were?”

“Stop teasing.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop.” He said, but he can’t seem to stop smiling. “You don’t have to be, though.” As soon as he said it, Jeonghan looks up at him with such vulnerable and hopeful eyes he can’t help but feel almost overwhelmed. There were moments like this, when Jeonghan just smiles, or looks at him at a certain way and a feeling just crashes over him, it makes him dizzy but weirdly focused on Jeonghan, it overwhelms him deeply, sometimes to the point that his breath shortens, and he really can’t explain it but all he knows it that he has felt this before, not in this same lifetime, but exactly for the same person.

He grabs Jeonghan by the wrist and pulls him into a dark alley, pushes him into a wall, and kisses him. This time, he knows, this is different. Maybe because of the fact that he recognized it now, maybe because of the way Jeonghan just relaxes against him, the way his hands feels softer against Jeonghan’s skin, the fact that they’ve done this countless of times but he still feels as intense, if not more. It wasn’t heavy or torrid, but it was deep. It wasn’t the kiss that was different, really. It was Seungcheol. Something changed within him.

When Jeonghan came up for air, Seungcheol decided to stop, searched for Jeonghan’s hands and clasped it in his, and decided to just let it all out. “I love you.” He exhales shakily. The way Jeonghan gasped and looked at him made it all worth it.

 

Seungcheol was shoved inside Jeonghan’s room, almost hurriedly, and he was attacked by an intense Jeonghan as soon as he locked the door. Jeonghan had him up against the wall in no time, whispering sweet nothings against his lips the whole time he was trying to unbutton Cheol’s shirt and pants. When Jeonghan is this intense, he rarely does anything to get in his way. This time, though, he decides to grab Jeonghan by the shoulders and switched their positions.

With Jeonghan against the wall, heavily panting, and desperately trying to unbutton his uniform with shaky hands, he decides to put his lips against Jeonghan’s neck, earning him a deep moan, as he pulled the others’ hand away from his buttons and replacing it with his, unbuttoning Jeonghan’s shirt instead.

Their breathing grew shallow as he ground against Jeonghan who was desperately holding onto him as his shirt fell onto the floor, followed by his trousers.

“Bed.” Jeonghan breathes out.

He was about to lie on the bed himself when Jeonghan stopped him and lay there himself. “You go top today.” Seungcheol stops. He rarely does top and when Jeonghan offers, he always freezes. 

With his Cheshire cat smile, he sat up and pulled a hesitant Cheol against him and tried to coax him by licking his happy trail. “I’ve always wanted to do that.” He says huskily, tempting the other.

And it worked, as Cheol pushed him gently onto the bed and hovers over him and starts kissing the back of Jeonghan’s ear, an infamous weak spot that leaves Jeonghan a moaning, sweaty, mess. And it’s so fucking hot.

“You’re familiar with the drawer.” Seungcheol looks at him questioningly, asking that quick? Before Jeonghan gently shoves him and says, “Now, please.” In the most seductive voice he can summon.

He lathers the lube on his incredibly hard on and with Jeonghan’s go signal, pushes in.

Seungcheol revels in his view. Jeonghan with his back arched, neck exposed, sweaty, and absolutely, incredibly breath-taking. He bent forward, pushing further, and starts sucking on the bend of Jeonghan’s neck, earning him a recognizably high pitched moan, a sound he has never heard Jeonghan release before. “Can I ever get used to your size?”

“If we do this often enough.” He teases, sucking a bruise out of the others’ collarbone.

“Stop teasing, start moving.” He does. Jeonghan opens his mouth to say something but it was lost in all the moaning when Seungcheol decided to start ramming into him.

“Oh God, harder, please.” Seungcheol doesn’t think he can go harder but he tries anyway.  He’s near, but just like Jeonghan does when he’s on top, he tries to hold it in and make sure Jeonghan reaches satisfaction first.

“I’m so near,” Jeonghan pants, and he looks Seungcheol straight in the eye, his mouth slightly parted, and speaks again. “Say it again.” He whispers.

And as he thinks he can’t hold it in any longer, he thrusts into Jeonghan multiple times, and whispers, “I love you, Yoon Jeonghan.” As if on cue, Jeonghan arches, his mouth forming a silent O, and tightens against him, making him release his own. He held onto Jeonghan’s face the entire time, their orgasms both lasting a long time.

“Oh, God.” Jeonghan exhaled as soon as his subsided. “You should be on top more often.” Despite the joking, he knows Jeonghan is overwhelmed, by the way he looks at him. He pulls out, knowing what he’s about to open up doesn’t seem really romantic with his cock still up in Jeonghan. He pulls him against him, cuddling him.

“I’m extremely serious, though.” He whispers against Jeonghan’s hair. “I really do love you.” Jeonghan smiles against his skin, a tiny drop of tear falling onto his collarbone and Jeonghan sniffles.

“I love you, too, asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I succ


	15. Chapter 15

“Seungcheol ah?” his mother peeked into his room while he tinkered with the half-finished clock. It’s only a few months before the submission of their final project and they still need to make a 5-page narration of the whole planning and implementation process plus lessons learned. And he still hasn’t made peace with his mom. They’ve been civil, they’ve been talking, but things haven’t exactly returned to how it was before.

“Yeah?” he rotated in his seat, facing her. They might be in slightly shaky ground but he still respects his mother intensely and he wasn’t going to talk to her with his back turned.

“I know you’re busy, but… I wanted to talk to you. Just for a few minutes.” Her voice was pleading and he wasn’t in any position to refuse.

“Yeah, sure. Come in and sit, mom.” She then padded across his room and sat on the edge of his bed.

“I saw you with a guy a week ago. You looked cozy.” She sounded gentle but she was still his mother and he can hear the hostility in the way she phrased her sentence.

“How did he look like?”

“He was as tall as you, with short blond hair. I was behind both of you so I didn’t really see him clearly.” She eyed him tiredly, like she’d been thinking about this the whole time. “Was that him?”

“Jeonghan? Yeah.”

“Jeonghan,” she tested the name on her lips. “You looked happy.”

He eyed her cautiously, testing the waters, thinking about what she’s trying to achieve with this conversation. “I am happy, mom. I’m in love with him.”

“Not just happy, it was like… happy. I’ve never seen you so happy before.” Her voice trembled and as he leaned nearer, he can see that she was tearing up. “I was about to confront you about him that day… but I saw the look in your eyes and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to be the one who took that smile away from you.” He reached for her hand, touched by the gesture and the affection. “I’m sorry I became so high-strung around you. It just frustrated me. I don’t want you to get hurt, you’re my baby boy.” Tears were now freely falling from her eyes and he couldn’t help but feel really bad about himself. Any son who’s okay with his mom crying is not a proper son.

He sat beside her and reached out to give her a small hug. When he let go, she was trying to wipe away her tears and was nodding vigorously. “But it won’t stop me from being worried, Seungcheol ah. I’m your mother.”

“You need to stop worrying, mom, he loves me, too. He won’t hurt me.” He looked at her straight in the eye; just the thought of Jeonghan making him smile. “He’s perfect, mom. Well, he does drool in his sleep, he likes to inappropriately prank people, he’s so sensitive, he’s a crybaby, he’s a lot of things I hate but weirdly, he’s perfect, mom. His hands reassure me that he’s going to take care of me and he won’t use it to abuse me, he looks at me as if I’m extremely precious, and he is to me, too, but…” he knows he’s rambling but he’s never felt so strongly before in his life, and all these feelings, conjured up just by the thought of Jeonghan’s eyes.

“The kind of love you feel physically?” She asked, and he nodded. “I can feel it in his hands, I can feel it in his hugs; it transcends. It’s as if he’s deliberately trying to make me feel it. I don’t have a doubt, mom. He will never hurt me, I promise you.” She choked back a sob, covering her face in her hands. She then reached for him and hugged him, and cried into his neck:

“I really hope so.” She whispered. He can feel her shaking her head but he just let that one pass.

 

 

“What’s up with you?” Jeonghan dropped the screwdriver and stared at him straight in the eye. They were in his room, and this was one of those days where they just worked and didn’t fool around. Mainly because his sister was downstairs and no matter how hard Jeonghan tries, he doesn’t want a repeat of the first time.

“Nothing.” He shrugged.

“Then why are you staring at me?”

“Am I not allowed?” He cocked his head, teasing.

“No, you’re not.” Jeonghan turned to face him with a smirk on his lips.

“What?” Seungcheol reached for his hand, holding it gently in his hand, his rough hands caressing Jeonghan’s really soft ones.

“You’re so inloooove.” He sing-songed, teasing him like he didn’t already remind him every day.

“Why, aren’t you?” he pulled Jeonghan nearer, opening his arms in an invitation for a hug.

“No.” Jeonghan said, while ironically resting his head on his boyfriends’ shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“Sure.” Seungcheol teased, inhaling Jeonghan’s hair. “Seriously what is your shampoo? Your hair smells so good.” Jeonghan chuckled, moving to sit on Seungcheol’s lap, trying his best not to break the hug. “Seriously, you know my perfume is vanilla scented.”

“Its mint scented.” Jeonghan moved his arms around Cheol’s chest and moved it around his neck. “I’m just kidding, by the way. I love you.”

He smiled against Jeonghan’s chest, not knowing why he felt the need to clarify that. “I know.” He whispered back.

“Hey…” Jeonghan whispered after a while.

“Yeah?”

“My family is coming back tomorrow,” he started. “They want to meet you.” Seungcheol tensed, suddenly feeling extremely nervous. Charming Jeonghan was simple. His family, though? It may be difficult.

 

 

It wasn’t.

Well, his parents, at least. As soon as they saw how Jeonghan was with him and how he was with Jeonghan,  they softened up and stopped drilling him.

The pair of eyes currently glaring at him, though, was an entirely different story.

“Jeongah…” their fathers’ voice chastised, making Jeonghan’s younger sister stop glaring at him. “Be nice to our visitor.”

“I doubt his stays here are merely visits, dad.” Seungcheol choked on his drink, Jeongri spat hers. Jeongah’s eyes were narrowed, relentlessly trying to pulverize him with her gaze.

His father was desperately trying to hold back a smile, while their mother gently chastised the hostile predator. “Be nice, Jeongah.” Their mother shot him an apologetic smile, while trying to pull Jeongah’s chin away from Cheol’s direction.

 

“I’m seriously sorry about Jeongah.” Jeonghan smiled at him apologetically, making small talk outside their gate instead of just sending Cheol on his way. “I know she’s going to like you, she’s just protective, you know.”

“Why is she protective? You’re a grown ass man.”

He eyed him cautiously, deciding whether to tell him. “Well,” he decided he should just be out with it, they shouldn’t be keeping things from each other at this point. “She’s kind of familiar with you?”

“Really? How?”

“I can’t really sleep alone, so when Jeongri went away for college, we shared a room, and she…” he hesitated, but decided against his second thoughts and went with it anyway. “She had to put up with my nightmares, your voices in my head, the visions… everything. At 7, she had to scramble for our parents when I had painful episodes, when she was 10, big and strong enough to squeeze me, she would. She would take my hand and squeeze it so hard so I can be reminded that she was still there; that the visions of your blown up head and pieces of your brain will go away from my mind if I focused on her enough.” Jeonghan explained.

“I’m sorry.” Jeonghan pulled on Seungcheol’s chin when he hung his head. “I didn’t mean to say too much.” He pulled him by the neck, hugging a teary Cheol.

“I never apologized for you pain.” Seungcheol realized. “You’ve always apologized for mine.” Now he felt like such a rotten person. During their entire relationship, Jeonghan begged, Jeonghan cried, Jeonghan apologized for his memories; for his pain. But never did he. Never even thinking about Jeonghan’s immense pain. Every single thing, was because of him.

“You don’t have to.” Jeonghan soothed his back. “I deserved it. For all the pain I’ve put you through in the past—”

“You were in pain, too!” Cheol exclaimed, releasing Jeonghan from his hug.

Jeonghan nodded, tears falling from his eyes. He can feel the pain from the past but now he’s just being overwhelmed by Cheol. “It was difficult, Cheol, my life has been painful, it has been difficult, yes.” He started nodding frantically. “But it’s all okay, now. I’m okay now. It’s all gone now.”

“How?”

“You.”


	16. Chapter 16

“Seungcheol ah!” Soonyoung was panting, followed by Seokmin, equally panting as hard.

“Why are you both running?”

“You’re done with your project right?” he said every word with every exhale.

“Yeah. Jeonghan has the thing, I have the report.”

“Miss Nam just told me to tell everyone that anyone that who could pass a finished project within today will be given 10 more points for all subjects for the finals, and 30 more points for the project itself.”

“What?” He isn’t much of a sucker for additional points but he knew Jeonghan was. “But Jeonghan is already on his way home.” Why Miss Nam would also announce it when class has already finished is also beyond him.

“It’s a last minute decision by the seniors’ teachers, she said.”

“Okay, let me just call Jeonghan.”

 

Rain was splattering violently against the pavement as Seungcheol finally made it into the café he was supposed to meet Jeonghan. Being the sucker for a perfect grade that he is, he wanted their project to be perfect and has practiced a whole verbal presentation for their project and everything. He made Cheol bring their written report, which he had to protect against the violent rain, and was told to wait here for him.

Right when he finished ordering an Americano for him, and Hot Choco for Jeonghan, his phone rang. He balanced it between his ear and shoulder as he straightened the folder, which had been slightly squished inside his jacket.

“Hello?”

“Jeonghan ah, I’m here.”

“Good. You have the report?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He chuckled, hearing the agitation in Jeonghan’s voice. “It’s going to be alright, you’re so awesome, you’ve always been the smartest, the evilest—”

“Stop it, you’re making me blush.” Jeonghan joked.

“But seriously, don’t worry. You’re the best person I know, we won’t mess this up. Anyway where are you?”

“By the crossing,” Seungcheol looked up and saw Jeonghan standing under his umbrella, waiting for the light to go red. Trying to talk to Jeonghan while looking at him from across the strees. The lights turned red and he smiled at him. “And I’m not worried about me; I’m worried about you—”

He didn’t have any second to process before a truck sped past his vision.

 

 

He felt nothing as he kneeled beside Jeonghan on the ground, people crowding around them, as he just stared at him there. He’s seen Jeonghan on the ground before, mainly because he was fooling around with him, sometimes because of the damned gym class he hated so much. But never like this. Never with his eyes perpetually open; his blood marring the pavement, his bones bent in obviously broken angles. Never like this. And Seungcheol feels nothing.

All he knows is he needs to reach out to him. Albeit with shaking hands, Seungcheol reached for Jeonghan’s hand. It was cold. It’s just cold from the rain, I’m sure. I’m going to warm your hand up in no time, Jeonghan ah.

But this won’t work; he was extremely drenched and cold himself.

Jeonghan ah, this is all I can manage. Are you warm enough?

He didn’t answer.

He probably never will.

Seungcheol gasped. Almost choking. He felt nothing. Why does he have to feel nothing now?

A dark mass seems to have taken over his heart. All he feels is a dramatic urge to scream, to grab something and fling it across… anywhere. He was clutching his hand desperately. Warmth not returning despite how hard he tries.

“Help.” Was the only word he was able to croak out.

It won’t go away. The feeling just won’t go away.  Jeonghan ah, why aren’t you warm yet.

Jeonghan ah, help me, I’m seeing something I don’t want to see.

Jeonghan ah, why aren’t you responding?

This is just one of the memories, right? Something I haven’t seen before.

Yeah, they’ve always looked and felt this real.

When I wake up, you’ll be there, soothing my worries.

When I wake up, you’ll be there: reminding me that this time, things will be different. No one is leaving this time.

 

He woke up and Jeonghan was there.

Or rather, his picture was: staring at him with those kind eyes. He was on the floor once again, passing out from exhaustion. He was in a suit his mother forced him into.

He sat up, and realized that he should have just went back to sleep.

Because right now, looking at all these people, his parents, Jeongri, Jeongha, their friends from school… his mother, all looking at him with swollen eyes, and everything just comes rushing back to him. And now it all feels so real.

He had the urge to start crying again. He held his chest, feeling the pain almost physically. How can it still keep him alive despite the fact that Seungcheol feels like it isn’t there anymore?

He looked at Jeonghan’s picture on top of a table surrounded by flowers. It was a picture he took of him; and he looked beautiful. He always looked beautiful. He was looking right at him, in one of those moments where he was trying to sneakily take a picture but Jeonghan caught him anyways.

It explains the look he has in his eyes. No naturally filled with mischief while looking so happy at the same time. “Hi.” Jeongah sat beside him, aloofly at first, and silent, but then she reached for his hand and held it.

“It’s different.” She commented. “But you’re of the same soul, this is still technically him.” She added. And he was his sister, they’re of the same blood, this is still technically him. So he clutched her small hand in his, feeling the same softness Jeonghan had in his. “It comforts me to do this so please let me. As long as I can, if possible.” She had the voice of someone who just stopped crying. Still shaky and hiccupping.

They sat like that for a long time, silently, until she let him go and started speaking. “Nobody blames you, just to clear things up. Even if you hadn’t called him someone else would have. It was a drunk driver, and he’s been caught. Please don’t blame yourself.” She then left and went to hug her sister, who had started crying as soon as she woke up.

 

“It never ends good, you said.” He said in a low voice as he walked home with his mother. He can’t stand it there. Having Jeonghan look at him but everyone telling him he’s never coming back. Feeling the emptiness inside of him where Jeonghan has decided to keep his heart and not return it and die. Well, his heart might just have died with him. Bastard. He didn’t even think about Cheol when he decided to leave with his heart with him.

“It never does, for us, baby.” She clung onto him, trying to ease the pain she thinks he feels. But she doesn’t know. Or maybe she does. “It’s in the blood. I don’t what it is, but my father, and his mother, and back, and back, and back. It never ends well. Someone leaves. Your father did.” He stopped in his tracks as soon as she said it. “In my past life he shot himself, the one before that he realized he was in love with another man… this life he died from cancer. I knew it wasn’t going to end well, you’re still on your 5th life, but…” she pulled him to face her. “You looked so happy with him, baby, you were so in love.” Her tears triggered the feeling of loss within him.

The dark abyss in his chest causing that damned pain in his chest was back and he was faced by the fact that Jeonghan is gone. He’s just gone and he’s never coming back. He reached for her, almost desperately, and sobbed on her shoulder. He knows the pain won’t go away by sobbing, not for long. But it’s the only thing he can do against helplessness right now.

 

They’ve entered their dark home and he was on his way to his room when he stopped, feeling the need to ask his mom one last question. “What did you mean by, ‘it’s only your 5th life, mom?’”

She smiled at him fondly, with hope in her eyes. “It stops after the 5th life.”

 

Seungcheol submitted his written report on the last day of submission. He quietly apologized to Miss Nam about not having the clock. "Where is it?"

He hesitated. Still not willing to think about what happened to Jeonghan. Even though she obviously did not want to push him, she was still expecting an answer. "It was destoryed," she didn't look like she understood yet so he felt the need to elaborate. "It was in his bag... in the accident." If he wasn't feeling so out of it, he would have found her comical shock funny.

"Oh oh oh, I'm sorry. Of course."

 

He tried to go to lunch with everyone else but he figured it would be torture for him to see the look of pity in their faces right now. It just reminds him too much.

He went for the rooftop, decided to maybe just have some peace and quiet for himself.

He didn't have it exclusively, though, as Jihoon found him 30 minutes in.

"Hey, man." the small boy clapped him on the back, standing beside him, leaning over the railing. 

"Hey."

They spent a few moments in pure silence before Jihoon decided to break the ice.

"I know you're avoiding everybody else because of the pity party and I know you hate that," he said seriously, it was normal for Jihoon to be serious but he knows this is different. "But we need you, too, man. You can't just run away from everything like that. We lost a friend, too."

Seungcheol nodded, fully understanding his point. "I know, I know. I just want quiet right now. I need some time. You get that, right?" He didn't know when the pain will stop. Maybe never. Maybe he's going to have to live all his life, missing Jeonghan, wanting him to be there beside every step of the way. But he will never be there. Because just like all their other lives, Jeonghan has left, and he's gone.

"You have us, and we love you, man." Jihoon sighed, not really knowing what to say to ease his best friends' pain anymore. "If you need anything I'm right here. We're all here. We will never leave, okay?"

 

 

He still hasn't gotten over him.

Well, when can he ever get over him?

He's survived, yes. But he's barely even alive.

Yes, he's managed. His friends came through; they've done their best.

It isn't very painful now anymore.

But at the end of the days like these, sitting in one of the swings in the playground without Jeonghan on the other, he realizes that without Jeonghan, he will always have something missing.

 

A whole part of him.


	17. Chapter 17

Seungcheol tapped his foot impatiently, glancing at his watch repeatedly. It's rush hour in the café and the new hire still hasn't arrived.

"Seokmin ah." His assistant manager has ready manned the counter, heavily understaffed, while the university across the street just began with finals week and they're being crowded by sleepless college students and stressed professors. "Where's the new girl?"

"She texted me she's on her way about 20 minutes ago. Should be anytime soon." He answered without looking back. On a different circumstance, Hansol and Seungkwan would have been sufficient. But today, even having Seokmin in the counter isn't enough to keep up with the orders. The poor guy is already haggling 3 mugs at once.

"Do you need help?"

"Yes, please." Being the owner of Senza Tempo and a Post Graduate student at the same time, he can only be at the café on his convenient breaks and his relatively comfortable days, but he was close with the staff anyways.

He rushed over to Seokmin and took two of the mugs from him and started the coffee machine. 

"Let me take care of getting the orders, Hansol, you're good with the coffee maker." He saw the complaint in Hansol's eyes. He knew Hansol liked taking the orders because it always gave him a chance to flirt with the cashier, Seungkwan. He knew better than to argue with him in front of Seungkwan, though. "Just for a little while." He assured. "While the new one isn't here yet."

 

They were a normal café, not Starbucks, why we're the orders this complicated? Do they even serve these anymore?

"These are complicated." He grumbled.

"Well, your sister made the menu, I wouldn't be surprised." He sighed. He had a point. 3 months ago, his younger sister complained about the blandness of the café menu and volunteered to spice it up. Meaning she changed the names of the beverages into really complicated and unrecognizable ones, and added special coffee features or whatever that was.

He loved it when someone simple like an old man, or an obviously stressed Law major came to the counter because the order would be something simple like an Americano.

He groaned everytime someone with Seungkwan's aura came to the counter, though. People with a recognizable diva aura who liked ordering a Large Arabic Bean Java Frappe with 2 more scoops of sugar, added whipped cream, no coffee.

"But the Arabic Beans are coffee beans?" He asked Seungkwan as soon as the small socialite was out of earshot. "It's just a flavor, hyung. They don't like anything with toxins and stuff like that, so they lay off the caffeine."

"But the added syrup and whipped cream?"

"We can never really limit these people to what they think is healthy."

 

After 5 more of the outrageous orders from a flock of tall model-looking women, a small female figure finally burst through the door, heaving, an ran straight to the staff office.

He shot Seokmin a questioning look, and he nodded. The new hire instantly came out wearing the apron and had her hair in a sort of a bun on the top of her head, covered by a standard issue hair net.

"I'm so sorry, the bus I took broke down in the middle of a congested bridge, I had to walk-" she continued saying her reason while panting but judging through the state of her clothes and shoes, she indeed had a hard time coming on time.

"It's alright." He cut her off, albeit not rudely, and assured her that as long as he specifically informs next time, there wouldn't be a problem. "You have to inform us as soon as possible so we can troubleshoot early, okay?" She nodded vigorously and went straight for the coffer maker to help out.

He turned to Seokmin. "It's still a busy night, I think I still need to help out."

 

It was around 9pm when a man came in. It was extremely hard not to notice him when he looked so expensive in his black suit and pants, heavily contrasting his bleached blond hair. He was followed by an annoyed looking teenager who just followed him to the counter.

He looked up at the menu, looking undecided, and nudged the teenager beside him. He made a move to sit on one of the stools by the counter while the teenager ordered for both of them.

"One large melon milkshake, one blueberry milkshake, and one large black coffee with one shot of vodka." Seungcheol raised his brows at the order. "The black coffee isn't for you, I hope?"

"Yeah, I'm going to have a tall black coffee and my brother is going to have the melon milkshake." She shot back sarcastically. "Of course it isn't mine." She rolled her eyes, almost comically.

 

It was about an hour later when the teenage girls' brother came to the counter and asked a quiet question. "Do you have those oreo bars?" Seungcheol suddenly looked up at the voice and gasped quietly. The man seemed to notice Seungcheol's surprise and for the first time that night, looked straight at him.

He can't believe it. He didn't know how to react. He just stared at the stranger, willing him to speak again, to let him hear that voice again. That voice that has he has been hearing for years now. The voice that finally had a face.

 

Seungcheol aaaaaah!

I'm sorry about Jeongah she's kind of protective.

I love you, too.

I'm worried about you-

 

A deafening crash would then stop everything. His mother has explained to him, time and again, that the voice will someday have a face. That he will finally have his happy ending this time around.

"What do you mean by that, mom?"

"We have bad luck when it comes to these. We always suffer through separation with our soulmates in our first five lives. But it's your sixth now, and everything will be okay. You're going to be okay."

It always made sense to him, the soulmate dynamic and he has always looked forward to the day he finally meets him.

The stranger looked at him, just as frozen as he was, but eventually found his composure and cleared his throat. "Umm." Seungcheol's breath shortened and he can feel the anticipation in his veins. 

He knows this voice.

It's him.

"Choi Seungcheol..." he reeled, almost dizzy at the fact that he recognizes him, too. Seungcheol held back a smile, feeling something bloom in his chest, feeling like a lone wolf finally trying to break free and run to the others' arms. The man extended his arm in an attempt for a handshake.

He took it. And as soon as their palms touched, Seungcheol stopped trying to hold it in and finally smiled as wide as his lips allowed. The other man, was, too, his eyes shining, as if teary.

 

"Long time no see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this sucks

**Author's Note:**

> HENLO i have already published this fic in aff but since I dont use it much anymore, I decided to move my works here full-time. Please do enjoy this crap.


End file.
